a19 in idea barrages

1.) When they tell you about “the gig economy” remember that a “gig” is a tool to kill frogs in the darkness.

2.) If you find those statues so beautiful, little Donnie, how about you drop trow and lower yourself onto one until you split.

3.) “Spoken word is the second-best thing you can do with your face.” When I let myself ramble, all sorts of things happen, I guess.

4.) The security guard at the marijuana dispensary was fired for dereliction of doobie.

5.) Whenever I see a Scandinavian language, I reflexively break it down in my head into syllables to the tune of MACARENA.

6.) If only more people remembered JONNY QUEST, I could’ve done something with all these “Racist Bannon” quips.

7.) When the monsters try to tell you “any violence is wrong” they are saying “feel guilty about defending yourself, let us monsters win.” No.

8.) Maybe Trump time-traveled back into his earlier self to make “covfefe” a word so he could win a Scrabble game in prison in 2019?

9.) I want a band called “Water & Heart” to make an album that syncs up perfectly with an “Earth Wind & Fire” album and summons Captain Planet.