the first decent barrage in a while in idea barrages

1.) Whenever I hear the phrase “Texas-Style Barbeque” I admit to imagining the meat being electrocuted in tiny individual chairs.

2.) A horrifying combination of cheese and green tea called “matcharella”.

3.) Words on a page/like a love letter, a wonder to cherish and save/but words in performance?/ah, that’s the hot date.

4.) When I was twenty, I knew what I wanted, when I was thirty, I knew what I was good at and maybe by forty I’ll know how to connect the two.

5.) “In the 1970s” and “and his name, Ron Burgundy” sharing a rhythm might eventually lead to one helluva weird “After The Gold Rush” parody.

6.) To lose touch with reality, you must have once had it.

7.) I like to believe that Pigpen from Peanuts hit a growth spurt and everyone starred calling him Big Pen as a rapper in his 20s.

8.) LESS LEADERS, MORE FACILITATORS

9.) The librarian was acquitted on all charges for assaulting the mugger as the judge ruled it shelf-defense.

10.) What lack-of-an-imagination called internet-stored computing “The Cloud” when we call could’ve been talking about, I dunno, “WORLDMIND”?

11.) The thing about diphenhydramine/Benadryl-based sleep aid is the way it makes you forgot if you took some an hour ago.

12.) Buy a bunch of Bob Ross originals. Hire new artists to paint Link and other Legend of Zelda characters adventuring into the scene.

13.) Honestly, I was hoping Scaramucci was gonna be brought down by a foot-fetish video so the book about it could be called “Footnote”.

14.) An album of terrible dance-pop covers to the Nirvana album “Nevermind” simply titled “nm”.

15.) Valhalla sounds boring anyway, a heaven for drunk jocks, I’d rather stick around here and help people when I can.

16.) I was told the fall of western civilization was gonna be all armor and battle cars, not bigoted CEOs in slap fights while Rome burns.

17.) Do bees pollinate hemp? Set yourself up a single-source honey from hemp pollinators and have the hipster money drown you.

18.) It must be weird to date someone with the same 1st name or a 1st name pronounced the same way. Straight, gay, whatever, it must be strange.

19.) Is there a “How Its Made” episode about how an episode of How Its Made is made?

20.) Your Millenial update to Dostoyevsky will be called “Tweets From The Underground”.