june 3 in idea barrages

1.) Your asthmatic vampire character will be called Vlad The Inhaler.

2.) Prithee but know thou my name as Paul and henceforth know your troubles as betwixt y’all.

3.) Never trust a man with the nickname Girthworm.

4.) Any love poem, no matter how deep or how sad, becomes funny if you imagine it being delivered to a pillow in the shape of an anime babe.

5.) Statistically speaking, there is probably a couple named Benny and Hannah whose first date was at a Benihana.

6.) Hipster foodies sellin’ ramps off the on-ramp.

7.) What if time travel’s real but so difficult to sync up w/ Earth’s orbit that they all materialize either in deep space or inside the planet?

8.) I wonder if Botox ever considered having a cartoon mascot that was just an ox in a tugboat. The horn could blow “BOOOOH! TOOOOX!”