may7 in idea barrages

1.) You all screaming “1st Amendment!” when a private ballclub kicks out a racist but want the gov’t to arrest Colbert, you can honk on my knob.

2.) If you are “making content”, stop doing that. If you are singing the song of your heart so others know they’re not alone, keep doing that.

3.) When people tell you “Stick To Sports/Comedy/Whatever!” what they’re really saying is “Let Me Be Cruel, I Deserve It!”

4.) A peep show’s a lot classier when you call it a “private screening”.

5.) Poop sounds a lot cuter if you call it a “keister egg”.

6.) The only pre-existing condition is lacking the empathy to understand that the health of the people is more important than profit.

7.) “Space is kinda crazy with a Groot and a raccoon like you” would be a TIMELY parody, anyway.

8.) I want to mash up STP’s “Vaseline” and the Flaming Lips’ “She Don’t Use Jelly”, as befits having been 18 in 1997.