410 in idea barrages

1.) Orange juice never did well in school, the teacher was always yelling “CONCENTRATE!”

2.) G.I. Joe Villain Names That Would Work Equally Well For A Dominatrix: Baroness, Dr. Mindbender, Cobra Commander

3.) When your knife is dulling, don’t consider it a problem, consider it a stropportunity.

4.) If you grow a very thin beard that’s just straight lines up from the sides of your chin & one just under, that’s called “the ventriloquism”.

5.) I wonder if the “Where’s The Beef?” lady ever got to insult a prospective lover’s manhood with her catchphrase? That’d be a walk-off shot.

6.) In Soviet Fairy Tale, Bo Peep Follows EWE! (I think I did it, you guys, I think I finally shattered the bones of that dead horse.)

7.) You could put a glassbreaker and a bottle opener on a tub of peanut butter and sell it to preppers. “SURVIVAL P-BUBS!” “TACTICAL PASTE!”

8.) Always pretend to confuse the words “kibosh” and “kabob” at all times.

9.) I wonder if Guy Fieri has ever pitched himself as the lead in a romantic comedy in a film called MEAT CUTE.

10.) Ad for “Spring Black Friday Sales” on the radio. Must be nice to just get to make up a new holiday when you want more money.

11.) David Bowie had to be circumcised three times because he was born with a rare twelveskin.

12.) I drew my pineapple character handing a Molotov cocktail to a riot cop with the caption “Molotov Pepsi, The Choice Of The Last Generation”.

13.) I drew a skeleton wearing a smiley face mask with the caption: “A skeleton celebrating The Day Of The Live”.

14.) Swede Home Minnesota, where the skies are so gray, Swede Home Minnesota, but we live there anyway.

15.) They tried their best to make a real venture out of the haunted zoo but now they’re finally gibbon up the ghost.

16.) After the apocalypse it’ll be remembered as E-Star when giant violent rabbits would come to lay eggs while we hid in caves or up on crosses.

17.) As the Pillsbury Doughboy was lead to the chair, one of the guards was heard to yell “BREAD MAN WALKING!”

18.) Is there a Zeppo Jenner? A Keenan Ivory Jenner? A Track Jenner? How far down the irrelevance hole does this go?

19.) I’ll be getting into heaven the long way round, working at becoming so insufferable that the devil would never take me in.

20.) If there’s a small but steady flow of human-born wizards, why would so many be so ignorant of how our world works? Just ask the younglings.