home area code barrage in idea barrages

1.) They need to do this to please Dr. Who for now. They need to please the time-being, for the time being.

2.) A Sublime parody about Dr. Strange “The Wong Way”?

3.) Geico ad, a guy’s pilloried for using hand cream & driving a van, how toxic & fragile this performative masculinity. To hell with it.

4.) Crafting a story from the terrible ads on this digital side-channel, a man lost his shirt in a pyramid scheme selling ads online so he had to take dangerous work with asbestos that gave him cancer, he permanently lost his hair due to a faulty chemo drug so he got in on a class action suit to sue the drug company and finally he used that money to get hair plugs from the hair club ad. Eventually, all the action he got from his new head of hair burst his hernia mesh and another class action lawsuit was joined.

5.) Of course Ancient Egypt was going to eventually collapse, it was all just a pyramid scheme.

6.) A medical marijuana tycoon, decrepit, made hermit by his millions, dies with but two last words for the word: “Grows Bud”.

7.) A restaurant with really really spicy Chinese food called “The Hunan Torch”.

8.) Unless contractually obligated, no one should call the WWF “WWE”. Copyrights and naming rights should have no power over private vocabulary.

9.) A great number of Indian foods are naan-conforming.

10.) A law requiring a presidential candidate to have previously held an elected office would’ve saved us a whole lot of end-of-civilization. Just see one term through as a mayor or a congressmember or something, just so you have some rudimentary knowledge of how governance works. Hell, my pop was on the town council for two terms until the cops framed him for selling liquor to a minor to get him to quit. It’s easy.

11.) I really want a movie about a shark that lives under a golf course and pops up through the holes to eat people called “Caddyshark”.

12.) Your personal curse is “intermittent genius”. You’ll have occasional great ideas but the muse will give out partway into the follow-through.

13.) My platform as a human being is roughly “less false piety, more real paella”.

14.) Everyone who rejected Sec. Clinton as a “lesser of two evils”, are you enjoying a “president” whose main argument is “NUH-UH!”?

15.) Look, facebook porn bots claiming to be from my hometown, there’s 4500 people there. Everyone knows everyone, that won’t work.

16.) I wish “crackhead” weren’t already claimed because it’d be so great to describe people with their heads up their asses.

17.) People… who eat people… are the ugliest people… in the world…

18.) We lost these wars not because of soldiers’ failings but leaders’ idiocy. Time to beat rifles into ploughshares, satcoms into solarpanels.

19.) America. Too damned much aspiration, all the way to Stockholm Syndrome, not enough inspiration to fill the lid of a dixie cup.

20.) Wherever you happen to be, there you are, you are that place’s artist-in-residence. Never let the bastards tell you any different.

21.) Snowstorms: the only time you’re relieved to find out he lied and it was only three-and-a-half inches. “I’m a grower not a snow-er” he protested “the projection can still be reached!”