311 in idea barrages

1.) After finding out a local won the Non-Fiction Pulitzer for writing about female sheep, everyone started chanting “EWE ESS-AY, EWE ESSAY!”

2.) Your terrible comedy about shipwrecked stoners who don’t realize they’re on the same island as a posh resort will be called CORAL REEFERS.

3.) I don’t have self-esteem issues as much as I have self-esteem shelving units full of self-esteem leather-bound volumes.

4.) His sarcastic comments were just spinning him in circles, he was trapped in a cul-du-snark.

5.) “Close the door, Jesus!” Mary Magdalene yelled “what, were you born in a barn?” Jesus just glared at her and said “Actually…“

6.) Your public access show about Arthurian legend will be called “Gawain’s World”.

7.) A sign in your window that reads: HEMORRHOID CREAM WANTED! APPLY WITHIN

8.) A variant on Two-Face that rolls a twenty-sided die to make decisions instead of a coin called “D&D”.

9.) “I don’t know, Chief, you might say…” removes sunglasses to reveal bleeding empty eyesockets “…justice is blind.” YEEEEEEAW!

10.) ‘Neath rock bottom, there is always the sewer into which one can always further descend.

11.) Given the choice between the works of great women and great men against the works of good women and good men, take the latter every time.