38 in idea barrages

1.) I am a hell of a particularly shaped puzzle piece, I do not fit many places but where I will fit, I will fit spectacularly.

2.) Trump’s so anti-intellectual he hates his own intelligence officers. That joke shouldn’t make sense but here we are at the end of an age.

3.) “Neti” is Himalayan for “brain-eating amoeba injector”.

4.) “Your tithings are hype,” said the preacher who thought he was hip, “truely turnt offerings.”

5.) I’d really respect a porn star who chose the stage name “Ezra Pound”.

6.) We need is a clever variation on “let them eat cake” to underline how they’re stealing our health care but I’m too tired to think of one.

7.) There was a lying little troll who claimed he could turn straw to gold, now he’s taking our health care away & his name is Trumpllkillkids.

8.) Only the most famous lesbians are allowed membership into the Cliteratti.

9.) She was kept up all night by the craft cocktail hipsters next door screaming bloody muddlers.

10.) External validation is a sucker’s bet but if I was my only resource I’d never get any because I never meet my own expectations.

11.) I guess we’re lucky she chose the back of the heel, Achilles’ Taint would’ve been really awkward.

12.) Better to live the moment than record it.

13.) TURN THE BEEF AROUND, HAVE TO GET THOSE GRILL MARKS DOWN

14.) It’s a horror movie about a gravy that gains sentience and attacks a city. It’s called FOND FOOTAGE.

15.) Perhaps “Our Prices Are So Low You’ll Piss Your Pants” wasn’t the optimal way to advertise your sale on Depends.

16.) Big Government is the first and best protection we will ever have from Big Business. Without it, the Waltons will buy the air you breathe.

17.) We took the length of history’s arc for granted and it bent until it broke. Now what.

18.) Our original sin was not knowledge, it was when we made God in our own twisted image.

19.) Not many people would like a “Fooled Around And Fell In Love” parody “Built Robots For Harry Mudd” but those who would, man, they’d LOVE it.

20.) We lived all the tropes of debauched hermit strung-out art-stars, just without the money or the fame or the skin in the game.

21.) Okay, yes, you have taken damage. Terrible damage. But maybe you can flip it around and now you can speak for the damaged.

22.) They’re not pretending to be Nazis to be provocative. They’re pretending to be provocative so they can openly be Nazis.

23.) Remember: wikileaks is run by a man who has been publicly, probably still is privately, employed by Vlad Putin’s Russia Today.