0220 in idea barrages

8.) If your car’s got two flat tires, don’t worry, it’s still got a couple of goodyears left.

9.) Then there was of course that hit vegan country song “Don’t Sell Me No Thighs And Keep Your Ham To Yourself”.

10.) How disappointed were people with car fetishes when they found out what “Pimp My Ride” was ACTUALLY about?

11.) Note to self: next time I introduce Def Leppard to an arena crowd, don’t say “please give them a hand”.

12.) Just once, I’d like to know that a woman across the room and myself are both thinking at once “dibs on the tall one”.

13.) I’m glad you let me know ahead of time that they were conjoined twins. Forewarned, after all, is four armed.

14.) It turns out that an SU alum wished on a monkey’s paw for Biden as president but phrased it “I wish for an Orangeman in the White House”.

15.) Let it be our epitaph: “They’d Rather Make Money Than Care”.

16.) Pet ownership’s just a conversation where if there’s clear response, turns out you’re crazy. Then again, so’s religion & that’s popular too. I can pretend the cat is saying “why are you petting the laptop keyboard, pet me” but really at best he’s saying an adorable “prrrow”. I can pretend I’m being rewarded for deeds or punished for inaction but at best, the sound of wind is all I get as a non-confirmation.

17.) Dumb luck determines how much baggage we’re stuck with, though we do sometimes get to pick what stuff we put in.

18.) At least here’s proof there’s no shadow government manipulating things because someone would’ve stepped in by now. If there is a shadow government, anyway, it’s either not that powerful or absent because… there’s no profit in the world flat burning down.

19.) Sometimes it’s a performance, sometimes it’s a deformance, depends what the audience needs done to their minds that given night.

20.) His momma did too much LSD and she ended up with acid-washed genes.

Last updated February 20, 2017