129 in idea barrages

1.) Whenever someone mentions “slipping into their DMs” on Twitter, pretend you think they’re talking about sex with a D&D dungeonmaster.

2.) Hipster astronauts, always going on about their retro rockets.

3.) If only he’d called her Mrs. Certaintyfire, they never woulda seen through his ruse.

4.) The silent film “The Great Train Robbery”? It still holds up.

5.) They became skydivers after falling in with the wrong crowd.

6.) Ghosts, sittin’ around the campfire, telling human stories. “And on the end of his arm? Was a FLESH HAND!”

7.) Saying “I’m The Shit” must translate weird into languages without a definite article.

8.) I feel like I could win any elected office just by promising to ban LinkedIn from e-mailing anyone ever again.

9.) Your sequel to Young Einstein where he battles zombies will be called DEAD SERIOUS.

10.) In Soviet Russia, ALL ninja turtles are Party dudes.

11.) INT is knowing Frankenstein was the Dr. WIS is knowing the Dr. was the REAL monster. CHA is knowing not to be pedantic about Frankenstein.

12.) Dress up as Junior Samples. Refer to yourself as “The Third Samples”.