new years eve eve barrage in idea barrages

1.) Your DEATH RACE sequel set in a zombie apocalypse with points for every hit zombie will, of course, be titled CANNIBAL RUN.

2.) Has there been a Harry Potter Chia Pet? Did they call it Hairy Pottery or were they thoughtless cowards?

3.) Your horror movie about finding a series of tapes where evil gravy murders kids at a summer camp will be called FOND FOOTAGE.

4.) It isn’t globalization that’s killing jobs, it’s rich jerks trying to get away with not paying their workers fairly by buying the gov’t.

5.) Being an ouroboros is hard work but the pay is good enough where you know you’ll always be able to make ends meet.

6.) A bank vault fetish is pretty weird but at least it’s always safe sex.

7.) I’ve lived in the land of sun & fire, I’ve lived in the land of snow & ice & I’ve learned you can’t salt the sun and you can’t shovel fire.

8.) I am a living digression from the main topic.

9.) M&M Foundry, smelts in your mouth not in your hand. Horrible burns either way, of course.

10.) I want an album of Mos Def rapping about Star Wars called “Mos Eisley”.

11.) It’s an app for hiring hobos to do your lawn work. It’s called Bindl.

12.) Luke had no idea what Han was doing for food after they crashed the Millennium Falcon in the Andes he only knew it tasted chewy.

13.) Your black-metal operas about Shakespeare will be pretty great. “Harmlet” “MacDeath”. “Much Ado About Nothing” won’t even need a namechange.

14.) Don’t joke about “Every Which Way But Loose” with Clint Eastwood, he’s still got a chimp on his shoulder about it.