1222 in idea barrages

1.) Randomize your menu, call it Victuals of Circumstance.

2.) If you hold an outdoor EDM festival in December, you have to open your show with “Now is the winter of our disco tents”.

3.) Go to a farm, wrap a piece of Caterpillar equipment in paper then, one evening, replace it with a light aircraft.

4.) Nickname your loved one “Sugar Bag” see how far that gets you.

5.) Hardcore anime fans refuse to listen to dubstep, they’re only into substep.

6.) 2016 was the Blues Brothers 2000 of years. You knew it was going to be bad but you just had no idea.

7.) If there has ever been a story called FRANKENCHRIST, I’m just laying it down, I would have written it better.

8.) That moment when you realize Kevin Meany and Jim Gaffigan are separate people.

9.) Yes, taking your jacket off before a fist fight gives your arms more mobility but it makes you look a lot badass. Fight in a full suit.

10.) If there hasn’t been a Daredevil/She-Hulk crossover entitled “Power of Attorney”, really, we’ve ALL failed.

11.) Fox News taking its white supremacy from the barely-hidden subtext straight into the text isn’t a bug it’s a feature of the horrors to come.

12.) Your supernatural romance about a dryad will be called “Knobby Girls Need Love Too”.

13.) Rudolph and Frosty often judge fishing competitions because they’re both known for starting out Rankin-Bass.

14.) Considering its place in the Australian post-apocalypse, we should call the Mad Max rip-off genre “Digerry-Doom”.

15.) If your favourite stripper is named Charity, there are so many things you’ll be able to do without technically lying.

16.) I am angry that TCBY didn’t have a Lord of the Rings tie-in called Froyo Baggins.

17.) Your Battlefield Earth porn parody will be called “Terl’s Gone Wild”. The Scientologist lawyers brains will overload and explode.

18.) As someone who doesn’t watch Game of Thrones, I choose to believe that Santa was originally Hodor and that’s why he can only say “Ho Ho Ho”.

19.) Social media breaks down the “circles” of our lives in ways we haven’t even explored fully yet. Your work friends can argue politics on your page with your high school friends, your college friends can flirt with your work friends, etc. It collapses. While people from all those circles self-select out of your social media life if they disagree with you politically and, in one sense, leave an entire sphere of your life. We’ve completely changed how we approach leaving phases of our life and, in some ways, no longer do at all. We can no longer leave parts of our lives behind us without radical separation that borders on fraud. Who are we now? It’s… interesting.

20.) To beard or not to beard, that is the question.

21.) A version of Dankeschein about THE TEMPLE OF DOOM “Monkeybrains”?

22.) At some point, there will be a sitcom where every episode is a Christmas special and the deconstruction of a dead medium will be complete.

23.) I also demand a movie about Joseph’s quirky cat-lady sister called “The Auntie Christ”.