1218 in idea barrages

1.) Someone should start a support group called Self-Promoters Anonymous and brag about it all the time.

2.) Funny how most “self-made men” are either fooling themselves about being self-made or got rich off selling the self-made lie. Or both!

3.) Had they wanted to change the name of “french fries” for honest reasons, it wouldn’a been “freedom fries” it would’a been “ketchup vectors”.

4.) Having seized power through fake news, I imagine they’ll then flip the issue on us and use “fake news” as a cudgel to suppress legit satire.

5.) Your film about a centaur going on a holiday killing spree will be called “One-Horse Open Slay”.

6.) Another film that is a much better Christmas movie than the hipster claim “Die Hard is my Christmas movie”: Batman Returns.

7.) They know the demographics can no longer support male-lead white supremacy so, instead, they wreck democracy from inside and out. They don’t care if democracy’s destroyed if foreign powers install it in ‘16 the right has admitted all they care about is white male power.

8.) Santa can move so fast because he’s actually Kryptonian, Superman’s second-cousin Noh-El.

9.) Your film about the first dog to be a Catholic priest will be called PET SEMINARY.

10.) A bondage mask topped by a Santa hat and the caption “Merry Gimpmask!”

11.) Probably the most offensive movie you could make would involve battling a giant Muslim dinosaur in GODZILLA VS MECCA-GODZILLA.

12.) His fetish for medieval weapons left him with an axe to grind.

13.) I want you to cover Def Leppard songs in the style of death metal and call yourself Death Leopard.

14.) Role-play as the psychiatrist to the great adventurers of the kingdom in WIZARDS AND WORRIERS.

15.) Boom operator. Boooooooooom operator.

16.) How are we supposed to react to the fall of a civilization? Tears? Rage? Anxious catatonia? No Romans left us a manual.

17.) The giant penny isn’t a trophy. It’s to remind him that in the middle of all that madness he has done some good.

18.) Some people love climbing down rocks, others find it rapellant.

19.) I wrote a story once about finding out that it was one man’s inaction that saved the world because I’m so afraid of the opposite being true.

20.) “Dancing Queen” parody about Oliver Queen, the Green Arrow?

21.) Every time I watch Miracle of 34th Street I’m disappointed there’s no “we’re sending him to a Santatarium” pun.

22.) You have at some point muttered at a youtube video by an attractive person, “yeah I’d upload your vlog” and you know it.

23.) Certain Southern accents render “ice tea” as “ass tea”. That’s why they call it “sweet tea” instead. Even they know its ridiculous.

24.) TRUE FACT: I have never seen ELF and have no particular desire to ever change this fact.

25.) The sequel to THAT’S MY BUSH about GWB as a crotchety patriarch in the dying days of Trump’s dystopia will be called OIL IN THE FAMILY.

26.) “If you’re going to be anxious either way, you may as well create problems that deserve your powerful anxiety” should be on my family crest.