1113 in idea barrages

1.) Whoever is best at Tumblr should wear the title Tumbldore until the moment they are out-Tumbld.

2.) In PokemonGo, has anyone named a Magikarp “Vigo The Magikarpathian”?

3.) The big hit from the musical about my life “Thick-ed” will of course be entitled “Defying Brevity”.

4.) Go into a Catholic church and try to buy a beer and some popcorn at what you refer to as “The Confession Stand”. The priests love that.

5.) When you keep saying the same thing even when the questions have changed, that’s called Entrenched Mouth.

6.) Open your laundromat to AA meetings. Brand yourself as “Clean and Sober”. See how that works out.

7.) Maybe we should just start using “figuratively” to mean literally, see if that balances things back out.

8.) Agreed that we’re in the 2nd Prequel, who was the Jar-Jar, the useful idiot who crowned the Emperor? Comey? Assange?

9.) There really should be an ESPN 8 showing only fringe sports, just so they could have the motto “Any Sport In A Storm”.

10.) These have been the longest days of my life that weren’t about a death or major illness in the family. Nowhere to turn away from the horror. You lose a job, have a bad break-up, there’s a whole world of not-that out there to console you. This, you can’t look anywhere & not see it.

11.) Instead of taking getting hit by the pitch and moving the line along, we hit into a double play on the shift like idiots.

12.) Mike Rowe penis and micropenis sound exactly the same, it makes sense on so many levels.

13.) Your workplace sitcom about the wacky employees of a funeral home will be called MOURNING PEOPLE and you damn well know it.

14.) “Missionary” is an entry-level position.

15.) He would’ve gotten away with his plan to deprive the party of mint juleps and mojitos, if it wasn’t for those muddling kids.