spoOoOoOoky barrage in idea barrages

1.) We will establish a utopia on Earth as long as we always vote the opposite of who Ted Nugent or Kid Rock would vote for.

2.) Anthony Weiner is Team Rocket from Pokemon. No matter how far we shoot him into space, he’ll be here tomorrow to screw things up again.

3.) Sometimes I think people make SNL skits go viral out of pity. “Look, the David Pumpkins thing was terrible but they’re TRYING!”

4.) You will call your makeshift cocktail of rum and Bloody Mary mix “Rumbo: First Blood”. It will be awful but get the job done.

5.) Put a pressure sensor and speaker in your sunglasses so it plays the yell from the beginning of that Who song when you take them off.

6.) Sanderites who won’t vote Clinton, Christians for Trump, both putting their loyalty to a Jewish dude ahead of what the guy actually said.

7.) Are deer polygamous or monogamous or what? A joke with the punchline “Salt Lick City” hinges on the answer.

8.) Francisco Lindor is gonna have a hell of a Truffle endorsement deal, if anyone knows what they’re doing.