1024 in idea barrages

1.) Your rap-version of Rapunzel will prove once and for all that using a pun that only adults will get isn’t good for a kids’ movie.

2.) If your horror porno comedy isn’t called HAM STROKER’S DRACULA, you’re doing it wrong.

3.) Yeah, Cleveland and the Cubs are in the series that will end right before a potentially democracy ending election. Why not. This World Series will be exactly one “there ain’t no rule that a dog CAN’T play baseball” away from being a bad sports movie.

4.) If a PSA has a bland country-music soundtrack, it will be funded by a religious organization, you don’t need to look it up.

5.) Maybe my mind is stuffed with every piece of this culture’s trash & the jokes are just me burning off the methane so I don’t explode.

6.) Your couples’ costume will be a preppy and a zombie and when asked what you are, you will say “Abercrombie And Lich”.

7.) He disliked the Chinese food in Augusta so much, it made him say “Ciao, Maine”.

8.) Your album of heavy-metal Ben Folds covers will be called “Ben Folds Spindle and Mutilate”.

9.) Classy people don’t call them “Eye Boogers”, classy people call them “the upper crust”.

10.) Sleep comes hard for me, my limbic system goes iambic, I’ve got medula obligations and a hungry hungry hippocampus.

11.) If Cleveland doesn’t play the song “Do The Bartman” in their stadium incessantly, they’re doing it wrong.

12.) Are Putin’s useful idiots in Wikileaks really trying to sell “she collected opposition research to try to win a primary!” as a scandal? Really, Assange? “Candidates Research Each Other For Weaknesses During Elections!” That’s your October Surprise? Who doesn’t know that? If freedom of speech survives this election, there’ll be great books on how a transparency group became a propaganda arm of the Kremlin.

13.) Not being a Walking Dead watcher I like to believe that Negan is a Negative Ronald Regan, like as Bizarro is to Superman, Negan is to Regan.

14.) “Maybe we could try running The Long Island Medium for president?” asks some GOP strategist hopefully, soullessly, somewhere.

15.) Major party presidential candidate running around promising to use his power to punish those he sexually assaulted. This is where we are.