1021 in idea barrages

1.) Isn’t a buy one get one free deal at a seafood restaurant really just squid pro quo?

2.) New York State needs more colleges named after role-playing character classes, considering we already have Bard and Sage.

3.) Some thought she’d never stop punching nuns but eventually she kicked the habit.

4.) “Obsessive Compulsive” “In Love With Pigeons” and “Lived In A Small Manhattan Apartment” describe Tesla & Bert from “Sesame Street” equally.

5.) Thunderstruck is a weird saying. Thunder striking you is just loud and annoying. Lightning’s the problem.

6.) There isn’t one ragnarok. Every time the people of good will hold the bastards off a coupla more years is another ragnarok.

7.) Technically, you could write a story about Shadowcat battling against a super-bigot and call it “Kitty Pride and Prejudice”.

8.) Go to the zoo and yell “chimps ahoy!” as often as the situation allows it.

9.) Given a choice between lava and obsidian, the hipster geologist replied “I liked it before it was cooled”.

10.) The first hipster on the moon will start a punk band called The Ray City Bowlers.

11.) Your vegan death metal band will be called Despairagus.

12.) Sometimes life is about taking the least-bad choice that allows you to live today & do better tomorrow. It’s just about all I’ve learned.

13.) Remember when the GOP trying to take us back to the 50s meant the 1950s? Now they wanna go back to the 1850s. Let’s not let that happen.

14.) When the perfect proves itself the enemy of the good the only humane thing to do is to be an enemy of the perfect & hope that good prevails.

15.) Your B-movie where a team of classic movie monsters defend the Earth from an alien invasion will be called MARS NEEDS WOLFMEN.

16.) Your scientific paper on marijuana decreasing the risk of elderly dementia will be called “Dank For The Memories”.

17.) We retreat into social media, retreat into neurosis, talking to thousands but really only talking to ourselves, worse before it gets better.

18.) Your Dostoevsky/Legend of Zelda mash-up will be called “Notes from the Overworld”.

19.) I am trying to not watch the debate in that way Indiana Jones was trying his damnedest to not look at the Ark.

20.) Burn it down! is easy to say when your ideals matter more to you than the 300 million living inside of it. Humane lasting change takes time.

21.) Did that bastard really make A CLIFFHANGER as to whether he’d foment riots on Nov 9th? For Christ’s sake. Did seriously did a pleather wallet running for President just suggest he might call for riots if he loses? What fresh hell. I’m honestly surprised that aggregate of spoilt off-brand Spam in a suit didn’t turn the name “Putin” into a double entendre. I may’ve not made this clear but I’m livid that a… game show host… just repudiated the idea of a peaceful transfer of power. A racist sexually-abusive game show host just called into question the peaceful democratic transfer of power. I can’t get over this. A reality television catchphrase in a suit and tie DECIDED that he might instigate riots after an election, who knows, he’ll “have to see”. Of course he doesn’t believe in the democratic process. His goddamn heroes are strongman dictators like Putin and Assad. When I was a kid, I thought the turbulence of the late 60s/early 70s was romantic and so much more interesting. Kid, you were an idiot.

22.) On the bright side, this debate will lead to the UPN series “Shasta McNasty” being remembered as a thing for the first time in 15 years.

23.) Proving your love of Caribbean must is basically a calipso facto deal.

24.) Again did a… GAME SHOW HOST… refuse last night to accept the fundamental democratic principle of a peaceful transition of power? Christ. You can’t say “there won’t be riots or insurrections, this is America” when a third of America is literally going to vote for a neo-fascist. When you’ve spent your life being handed everything on a silver platter, any resistance to your grabbing everything feels like conspiracy? Giuliani, real talk here, Trump’s dad was arrested in an anti-Catholic KKK riot, do you really think Trump considers you or I fully human? Not to mention that the bastard spoke glowingly of Assad last night. Assad! The Butcher of Aleppo, for God’s sake. Trump surrogates, you can’t say he won’t accept defeat because you don’t in business HE’S RUNNING FOR PRESIDENT NOT CEO, YOU FASCIST TWITS.

25.) Start your poem with something potentially offensive, to get them listening, then downshift to something hopeful, to catch them off guard.

26.) Before he became John Wayne, he was made Marion.

27.) As we’ve abandoned religion, we’ve replaced it with fandoms which… are often just as bad but at least they’re a lot smaller.

28.) I try to not hit the rabbit but the rabbit runs straight into my swerve. My attempt to not do harm just makes things worse. A theme.

29.) Your Batman ‘66/Beatles crossover will be called “A Hard Day’s Knight”.

30.) I wonder if there’s just one woman and one man who has all of the rebound sex after all the world’s break-ups, just exhausted all the time.

31.) Some will only question authority if first questions have been authorized.

32.) If there is a cooking implement that sounds more like a double-entendre than “rimmed baking sheet”, I can’t think of it.

33.) We still don’t have a Jane Austen/stoner comedy mash-up SENSE AND SENSEMILLIA so we still have a few years left probably.

34.) The anti-immigrant Know Nothings were called that because they “knew nothing” about the hate they’d infer but never quite say. Dog-whistles.

35.) Every story about an exploit for programming bug is an exercise in being concerned about something that I literally cannot understand.

36.) I want to understand post-Brexit British politics but every time I try to learn I feel like American politics already made my brain full.

37.) When you can’t come up with any compliment, just call the thing “Bold” and see if you can get the maker distracted explaining her/himself.

38.) You will simply call your caffeinated pepperoni PEP-Peroni and smash every kickstarter record at once.

39.) Having called Japanese pop music “J-Pop” the laziest decision of all time led to people then calling Korean pop music “K-Pop”.

40.) I have “a look”. Okay, granted, the look is “JCPenney’s Big and Tall Catalogue” but that still counts as a look.

41.) The old Price Is Right theme is not right without the warbly audio artifacts of being copied tape to tape too many times.

42.) In Soviet podcast advertisements, promo codes use YOU.

43.) You could probably pay Dave Coulier, like, 50 bucks to host your Halloween party. 60 to call him “Dave Ghoulier” on the fliers.

44.) (I sometimes wonder if I’m just some very minor Falstaff, with nary a king or prince to be my intermittent benefactor.)