1019 in idea barrages

1.) You will put one of those beer helmets on over a cheap Frankenstein costume and refer to yourself as “Drinkinstein”.

2.) Stallone’s line of herbal supplements will be called “Ginkgo Balboa”.

3.) Did SNL do a Hamilton skit where everyone wore pig costumes called HAM-ilton or was that not sufficiently hacky enough for them?

4.) The Avengers Babies spin-off will be subtitled “Infancy War”.

5.) When God closes a door, He’s just setting you up to slam your fingers in the window.

6.) Corey Feldman looks a little bit more like Billy Corgan from the Smashing Pumpkins every single day.

7.) Olives, for people who want something disgustingly bitter while also disturbingly squishy at the same time.

8.) If the Halloween party sucks, the proper quip is “More like Day of The DUD, AMIRIGHT?”

9.) Your West Coast hip-hop take on the zombie movie will be called “The Flesh Prints of Bel-Air”.

10.) Julian Assange is dead… DEAD TIRED OF PEOPLE NOT PAYING ATTENTION TO HIM.

11.) In my remake of Harry Potter, I’d have Wesley Snipes play Snape, just for the wordplay.

12.) I want a picture of Harrison Ford, Chris Cornell and Eddie Vedder together, just for the caption “Indiana Jones and The Temple Of The Dog”.

13.) “Chicago Style Pizza” is a fine food as a sauce cheese and bread casserole goes, it just isn’t pizza.

14.) 50-50 odds he breaks into his “I Love Being Evil” Disney villain musical number at the third debate.

15.) Some of these stories of Trump trying to court the Hindu-American vote by ramping up the Islamophobia, man, they just make me so sad.

16.) Schilling running for Senate will be an interesting test of the paradox of Mass being lefty but Boston being the most racist Northern city.

17.) It’s 80 in the Adirondacks in late October but, yeah, climate change is just a Chinese conspiracy or something.

18.) In my remake of Harry Potter, Tommy Wiseau will play a minor professor just so he can say “Oh, high marks!”