924 in idea barrages

1.) Where are all the Missy Elliot/Elliott Smith mash-ups I want? I want those a lot, I don’t even know why.

2.) The hipster choked himself with a My Little Pony bedsheet and died of auto-ironic asphyxiation.

3.) Dracula’s castle is closed-casket for the fearing impaired.

4.) The yearly award for advancements in tomato canning is the Ro-Tel Prize.

5.) We will market our Ex-Lax laced pastries as “HastyCakes”.

6.) If you’re not sure how much Gravymaster to use, just keep a small back-up supply of Gravyapprentice just in case.

7.) Crowd fund your person-to-Patronus matching service with Patreon and call it Patreonus.

8.) Your psychobilly band will be called The Texas Chainsaw Mercy Kill.

9.) Oh yeah, Twitter, Trump/Pence solo cups for your next football tailgate. Do you HAVE to advertise the fall of Western Civilization?

10.) Comic at a show I’m MCing said I’m “if Garrison Keilor got bombarded with gamma rays and became Garrison Hulk”. I liked it.

11.) Remember, contracting herpes does not count as “going green”.

12.) Your Shakespearean reinterpretation of OKLAHOMA will be called A MIDWESTERN NIGHT’S DREAM.