920 in idea barrages

1.) I want to write a really dark “Why did the Chechen cross the road?” joke for Yakov Smirnov.

2.) Conspiracy theorists are a bunch of DARPA queens.

3.) When you volunteer for your church, are you engaged in Emmanuel labour?

4.) Collecting Simpsons toys gets weird when you yell “I got Apu!” too quickly.

5.) Noticing a lot of subtle minimizing in the press by calling Clinton not Sec. Clinton or Sen. Clinton but “Mrs. Clinton”. I SEE YOU, SEXISTS.

6.) I think a lot more people would punch Billy Joel in the face for being Billy Joel if their arms could only reach that low down.

7.) In retrospect, how did Peter PICK pickled peppers? How in the hell did they pickle them on the vine? A series of jars and pulleys?

8.) If your baked beans of the month club isn’t called TootCrate, you just don’t know how to promote.

9.) If only we had gone with “online diary” instead of “web log”. Then instead of “read the blogs” we could’ve been, like, “show us your ondis!”