september starter barrage in idea barrages

1.) What with his love of eating beans, he was like a can in a kidney store.

2.) The Mourneaus hoped their son’s love of vivisection was just a phase he’d grow out of once he’d sewn some wild goats.

3.) One man’s trash is another man’s recyclables.

4.) When I was a child, I was told I “over-shared” my emotions. Little did they know, I was just ahead of the curve for the post-privacy era.

5.) Someone should tell Trump it’s not fashionable to accept the support of white supremacists after Labour Day.

6.) With every passing year, I get a little hotter simply for not having given up. In 150 years, I will be an ancient Brad Pitt.

7.) I wonder if in England, they just thought Pound Puppies were really inexpensive dogs.

8.) I like to believe that the Animorphs series was all a plot to prime children for David Cronenbergian body horror.

9.) Myself a perishable, I prefer to be stored in a cool dry dark place.

10.) Your Christmas version of “Blitzkrieg Bop” will start with the line “Ho Ho Let’s Go”.

11.) In my nightmare I was a volunteer at a comedy show then they asked me to be a plant in the next one and spent the next one making fun of me.

12.) Food bloggers: if the place has a “beverage director” it is not a “neighborhood spot”. It is a “fancy place for rich people like you”.