827 in idea barrages

1.) Your punk band will be named Vom DeLuise.

2.) Your Star Trek themed winery will be called “The Grapes of Wrath of Khan”. Until the lawsuits, of course.

3.) Theft of body parts from the hospital is possibly gland larceny.

4.) By “fair and balanced”, Fox News means “fair” in the sense of blonde hair and blue eyes. The balance of their on-air people are that.

5.) If someone unironically calls Trump “The Donald” you know they’re internally salivating to send people off to camps.

6.) One way to understand how I think: I eat the cupcake first so I can enjoy the frosting at the end.

7.) There’s a difference btwn coddling & being sensitive to difference. Retaining bully-privilege isn’t toughening anyone, it’s just lazy/cruel.

8.) Mid-September, they’re gonna pull all the pumpkin spice stuff and replace it with NEXT YEAR’S pumpkin spice stuff.

9.) You can be disturbed by madness or you can be disturbed by righteous anger. Keep tabs on which is which.

10.) IF THIS VAN’S A-ROCKIN’, GET IN A DOORFRAME OR UNDER A STURDY TABLE.

11.) That bastard Causality will never let you undo your mistake but that double-edged Future will give you a chance to not make it twice.

12.) If your porn parody of The Lion King wasn’t called The Loin King, I don’t even know what to say to you.

13.) FULL DIPLOMATIC DIGNITARY, DIGNITARY FULL DIPLOMATIC, hecan’tgetarrested, hecan’tgetarrested, hecan’tgetarrested

14.) Your maple-sugar perfume will be called Eau Canada.