712 in idea barrages

1.) The fact that he knew he was Bond, James Bond was his quantum of solipsism.

2.) Oz never did give nothing to the Tinman, except a horrifying robot body that he didn’t already have.

3.) Goldilocks had some rough breaks but we all have our own bears to cross.

4.) Your updated take on the musical Oklahoma will be called “Crop Rock”.

5.) Make a dress patterned after the VHS box for Under Siege and you’ll have a frock of Seagals.

6.) 31 days hath September/April, June & November/All the rest have 31/Except February who is just being difficult to spite us.

7.) Before you commit to copying the haircut of your favourite hockey player, mull it over for a little bit.

8.) Your ren-fest-rock band will be called Jethro Krull.

9.) I’m actually not that much of a rapper, the reports of my def have been greatly exaggerated.

10.) Aladdin rolling down the street with a smoking oil lamp, flaunting his djinn and juice.

11.) Fox News’ first drama will, of course, be LAW AND ORDER: BLAME THE VICTIMS UNIT.

12.) I wonder if the cat is disgusted at me that I never lick myself and thinks I’m just the grossest.

13.) As long as power structures enforce unequal justice along racial lines, saying “all lives matter” is a lie and deep down you know it.

14.) If you’re running a goth ice cream parlor and is isn’t called “The Creamatorium” you have messed up at your one job.

15.) Though I don’t play Pokemon, all you people talking about it HAS taught me that the oddly-vaginal Pokemon is called “Cloyster”.

16.) Yes yes, I get it, I understand, you work in an incredibly wacky nail salon, I’m just sick of your ped-antics.

17.) Tried to imagine a world where unregulated murder machine Pokemon were wandering around real but then I remembered that’s how guns are here.