A Female in the Weiner Room. in The Napkin.

There was a “female cleaning” sign affixed near the men’s locker room. I suppose there are some who would be all OH NOEZ, A GIRL SAW MY WEINER*, but my first thoughts were this:

A: I’d rather have a chick see me naked than a dude in the first place. I mean, if you’re a dude who likes dudes seeing you naked, that’s kind of gay. …I mean, literally. If you’re gay, you’re more partial to people of the same gender seeing you naked. Literally.** I’m desensitized to locker rooms, and I’ve been to a nude beach a couple times. I could care less about who sees my weiner. Dicks are passé anyway.

B: It’s generally more acceptable for a chick to enter a “men’s room” than vice versa. If I see a chick in the men’s room, I think, “Guess she needed to pee and didn’t feel like waiting in line.” On average, men can’t just casually enter a lady’s room. Even if there was a line for the men’s room, if I were to enter a lady’s room I would be greeted with a general “YOU’RE AN EVIL MAN WITH EVIL INTENTIONS” attitude. Not saying this inequality is okay, but it’s certainly a true observation. Of course, if it were up to me, all bathrooms and locker rooms would be unisex. We all got genitals of various shapes and sizes - it shouldn’t fucking matter. Especially since some chicks have dicks and some dudes have pussies.***

As an aside, I tend to shower at home. We can only theorize whether I would have waved my weiner in her general direction. Probably not - as I don’t do that with dudes in the locker room. I’m not a fucking creep.

*Weiner is such a funny word. WEINER.

**I wonder if it’s ever occurred to conservatives that same-gendered places are kind of gay.

***Trans homies really do crash conservative minds. “BUT. I’M A DUDE BECAUSE OF MY PENIS.” Nopers. If your weiner is all that makes you male, well, you’re not much of a dude.

Last updated June 26, 2016