622 in idea barrages

1.) Love is a yearning disability.

2.) Your minimalist post-rock band is good but not good enough. Close but no Sigur Ros.

3.) Did you post your solstice rituals up on SnapChant?

4.) Start naming your craft beers after lesser presidents, just so you can legally get away with ads that say “It’s Millard Time!”

5.) If the California Raisins ever have a sex scandal, the headline you have to use is “A Currant Affair”.

6.) The mirror-universe twin of the Hamburglar is the Hamgiver but leaving strangers hamburgers is actually more sinister than stealing them.

7.) You will write your heavy-metal musicals under the nom de guerre “Rodgers & Rammstein”.

8.) I hope that whenever MAD magazine ceases production, they do it on a Friday and call it Blech Friday.

9.) A movie about a future where nearly all movies are about zombies and the survivors try to make movies with concepts that aren’t played out.

10.) I enjoy the fact that the hackiest thing you can do on the internet right now is to write a list of hacks. Awesome irony, great job.

11.) Your Christian metal band will be called “Random Axe of Kindness”. Your first album will be called “Have A Knife Day”.

12.) Mon Motha can never watch The Sound of Music without Akbar busting in and yelling “IT’S VON TRAPP!”

13.) I mean, yeah, I was singing a jaunty song about being unconventionally handsome. I do that sometimes.