san diego area code barrage in idea barrages

1.) If your character literally has to state “This party’s crazy!” in a film trailer, you have failed at your job. Please stop making things.

2.) I’m disappointed to discover that the “Don’t Mess With Earth” hashtag is about the Independence Day sequel and not Kwame from Captain Planet.

3.) Durden deeds and they’re done by Meat (Loaf)/Durden deeds and they’re done by Meat (Loaf)

4.) We weren’t laughing at the concepts of peace love and understanding, Elvis Costello, we were laughing at your corny-ass Buddy Holly glasses.

5.) I call every character that exists largely to act out the author/audience’s libidinous wish fulfillment “Bill Sexhaver”. James Bond is definitely a Bill Sexhaver.

6.) Say what you will about Axl Rose, he isn’t doing DirectTV commericals.

7.) Openmindedness is not an inherent trait, it’s like a muscle you have to work out or else it atrophies.

8.) I hate eating at the table not out of sloth, rather because “let’s eat at the table!” means “time for 45 minutes of Maoist group critique!”

9.) If an artificial intelligence reaches the point of being disgusted with the idea of being paid in exposure, it has passed the Touring Test.

10.) Rare is the story that begins with “At Wal-Mart” and ends with anything like a positive feeling.

11.) A reggae parody about dieting called “No Soda No Fries” would be… eh. I dunno. They’re not all good ideas.