I grunt at you. in The Napkin.

While muted, I spied this ad while I was treadmilling. (Crunch Fitness, if you must know.)

Once again, this feels like someone making fun of Planet Fitness. It wouldn’t take that much to take this style of commercial and flip it on its head. (Assuming it hasn’t already been done.)

Take a two scrawny people (two guys, two girls, a couple, whatever) and have them sign up for “Fitness Universe”. Every time they try to actually lift, they set off some Exertion Alarm. The dweeb behind the counter mocks them and suggests they try some other scary gym across the street. Cut to a scrawny person setting up to bench. A big beefy guy walks over. Intimidating music. And he asks, “Hey man, need a spot?”

Voiceover: “We don’t care what you’re doing or how much you’re lifting. There are no alarms to stop you from trying to improve yourself.” << cue alarm >> “Unless you curl in the squat rack.”

Man, how does marketing even need a degree.

And yes, I know Planet Fitness pretty much markets itself as the anti-gym. But my gym membership is ten bucks a month and spy someone deadlifting 3+ plates on a weekly basis. Why would I go to a place which discourages effort and improvement? What the fuck kind of gym has a dedicated pizza day? (Planet Fitness.) Spend the money to fix equipment.

tl;dr: I pick things up and put them down.