68 in idea barrages

1.) I wonder if anyone ever just said to Idi Amin “EDIE?! THAT’S A GIRL’S NAME!” as the weirdest suicide-by-cop ever.

2.) The problem with listening to experimental music on youtube is you never know when it’s buffering or if Philip Glass is just Doing a Thing.

3.) The best celebrity restaurant of all time would be ZZ Tapas.

4.) I hope in the next Jurassic Park the dinosaurs can use tools and talk and kill someone with the quip “Knife finds a way!”

5.) Mine isn’t the most technically proficient acapella version of the 90s X-Men cartoon theme but it is certainly the most heartfelt.

6.) I am consistently torn on Paul Simon’s “Graceland” album because it is objectively great but also super cultural appropriationy.

7.) Ultimately, we all have to accept that Luke’s given profession of “moisture farming” was probably code for something sexual.

8.) French Batman throws pancakes instead of boomerangs and is known as the Crepe Crusader.

9.) If you’re at a sporting event where the players are all zombies, yelling “Look alive!” is actually really insensitive.

10.) The Goo Goo Dolls took the everyday idea of being bland and raised it to a martial art. The Goo Goo Dolls are like the Jedi of blandness.

11.) Even if you’re just unboxing or giving makeup tips, all youtube vlogs should open with GREETINGS HUMANS and end with END TRANSMISSION.

12.) The entire human race is NSFW, if you think about it. Not Safe For War.

13.) Go from booth to booth at a renaissance fair, asking the price of an item then yelling “MORE LIKE RENAISSANCE UN-FAIR!”, for an entire day.

14.) People act like Snarf was the annoying character on Thundercats only because the two kids were so annoying their minds blocked them out.

15.) Ultimately, my mind is a struggle between wanting the world to be more fun and wanting the world to be more humane.

16.) A social network where everyone sends each other sex pics in character as anti-hero wizards. It’s called Snapechat. It’s… pretty terrible.

17.) What’s eight inches tall and flies around annoying you with the world’s tiniest sitar? Navi Shankar.

18.) If you prove yourself wise enough, you can form a cult of perspicacity.

19.) Tennis commentators are the worst friends, what with all the backhanded compliments.

20.) It’d be a lot like Minecraft but with an FPS twist where your building blocks are mimes you have to first murder. Mimecraft would sell, man.

21.) The columbine is such a goddamn beautiful flower our culture ruined in a wash of gun-lust, sociopathy, blood. What a cruelly apt metaphor.

22.) Theory without experience is pristine and empty. Experience without theory is an undirectable blob of wasted power. You need both.