67 in idea barrages

1.) America is the kind of place where if you are rich enough and psychotically-delusional enough, you can do anything.

2.) Oh, conservative trolls, you think you’re so “edgy” for dead-naming Muhammad Ali when talking of him. You’re terrible humans and not funny.

3.) Pretending that you confuse Bill Nighy and Bill Nye is a great way to piss off multiple groups of people at once.

4.) Understanding that something is cool doesn’t automatically mean you’re competent to translate that thing to a different medium.

5.) Your sex toy pawn-shop will be called “Strapped For Cash”.

6.) A version of Skynyrd’s “Gimmie Three Steps” about forceps would probably go into some weird places.

7.) I may not be a rich man but I’ve never had to say “authentic brand experience” unironically.

8.) Your fan fic about Daffy finally seeing justice for his attempted murders of Bugs will be entitled “L’Orange Is The New Duck”.

9.) How can weeks of confidence disappear into the hole of a few days of confusion and doubt? Now I’m falling behind and it makes it feel worse. Being a person is the damned hardest thing out there to be.

10.) Pharmacies putting scam herbal viagras in the Family Planning section is such a twist of the language, I’m not even mad. I’m impressed.

11.) If only more pop musicians endorsed cereals, for one brief shining moment, we all could have been coo-coo for Croce Puffs.

12.) If you eat meat on a Lenten Friday, you’re dooming yourself to years in Burgatory.

13.) If you obsessively collect Game of Thrones merchandise, you are a Hodor Hoarder.

14.) Most of the busyness of beavers is non-essential, they just do it so they’re not bored out of their dam minds.

15.) Some day someone associated with Lemmy’s estate will need money real bad and Sunglass Hut’s “THE PLACE FOR SHADES!” ads will start.

16.) I always hear “Lady Marmalade” as “Mississippi me me, ya ya”.