finally, a decent barrage again in idea barrages

1.) “It’s a celebration,” he said, “we’re drinking the good stuff tonight… SEVEN-buck Chuck.”

2.) Introducing characters in an Arrow/Supergirl crossover would be a hoot. “Olsen? Merlyn. Merlyn? Oslen.”

3.) Call your progressive-rock/gangsta rap fusion act “Death Row Tull”.

4.) she was an heiress/to strife and discord/you often feared for your life but/you were rarely bored.

5.) The Nintendo/B-Movie mash-up MARIO, THE HANDS OF FATE pretty much writes itself once you realize Toad is Torgo.

6.) There are people who are against the gender non-conforming using the 3rd person “they” but are fine with the royal use of “we” & it BUGS me.

7.) Amateur meteorologist Steven Windsock was inspired to invent said device when he saw his first uncircumcised penis.

8.) Everyone knows reality TV is partial-improv soap opera but agrees to the conceit so as to pretend they don’t watch soaps, it’s so American.

9.) I want a David Bowie themed soda named Queen Birch.

10.) I am oddly at peace with the fact that one of our fastest growing forms of entertainment is watching strangers play video games.

11.) Some kids are so self-driven, burn so brilliant, they don’t need a heavy-handed mentor, just a few cool uncles & aunts to nudge by example.

12.) The problem with such short lives is we believe we’re living in the long-term normal even if our formative and present are aberrational.

13.) Whoa, you’re no dog, I swear/WHOOOOA-OA, YOU’RE A TINY BEAR!

14.) A parody of the Rolling Stones’ “Gimme Shelter” would be predicated upon the line “It’s just Piscataway, it’s just Piscataway”.

15.) Bitten by a radioactive oil CEO, Pat Paltrow became Conservative Man, who believes that with great privilege comes no accountability.

16.) I kind of want a super-villain themed after French New Wave cinema called Francois Truefoe.

17.) “This is My 35,000th Tweet: A Cautionary Tale”

18.) My only problem with Marisa Tomei as Aunt May is that we’re gonna have to deal with people using the term “AILF” unironically.

19.) Tired of being kept awake by old-timey British men cursing every night, she eventually had her bedroom zoundsproofed.

20.) We’ve done the math and can be reasonably certain that Guy Fieri’s bedroom safe word is “matchbox-twenty”.

21.) If Chuck Norris became an electronica DJ, you had better damn well call his genre Roundhouse.

22.) A reality show where the winner becomes a Fox News anchor called “So You Think You Can Dunce”.

23.) If you break a leg doing the waltz, that’s what is called a Strauss fracture.

24.) You don’t need to append “sketchy” to “bus”. “Sketchy bus” is unnecessary. Sketchy is assumed in the case of bus.

25.) If you sing at a zookeeper’s convention, open w/ a version of My Way that starts “egrets I’ve got a few but then again I keep ‘em penned in”.

26.) The correct response to “I’m sorry I’m late, I blew a tire” is to blurt out “LUCKY TIRE!” then pretend to be embarrassed.

27.) Oscar Wilde’s wit is well celebrated but lesser known was his redneck cousin Buck.

28.) When we finally write an obituary for America, all that will be required is the phrase “Totino’s Bold Ranch Blasted Crust Pepperoni Rolls”.