511 in idea barrages

1.) I’m just gonna name my ulcer “The Mets Middle Relievers”.

2.) Naming your child Hospital then grooming said child for military service is a long play on a joke but it is totally worth it.

3.) Other people have nightmares about receiving god-like powers and then being terrible at running the universe, right? Just me?

4.) Do you ever wake up feeling like a completely different person? How would you remember?

5.) The best ever Star Wars tie-in product, though, would be Sy Snootles’ Thai Noodles.

6.) The irony that Despicable Me created 10,000 despicable memes has not escaped me, internet. I am onto you.

7.) The snarky Canadian psychologist was full of shadin’ Freud, eh?

8.) I used to have nostalgia for Kool-Aid Man but it’s been leveraged in media so often that it’s completely exhausted. Weird, that.