April 22nd through May 20th: A slim summary. in 2016

On April 25th, I had my first class at Rusui. It was once Sam’s school, but now it’s mine. I don’t recollect the specifics, but I rather enjoyed it as I recall. The days prior, don’t stand out as having been a part of anything. I taught at Miyachuu, but nothing really stands out in my schedule. On the 23rd, I started singing in Obara’s choir. The 24th was an event at the 518 bar where people I knew would be singing, a girl who works at Wai Wai, and her boyfriend. However, I had to duck out before they started because I had mistaken our meetup time with their play time. It being a Sunday night, and me having a big new school start day in the morning, I knew I couldn’t stay late or drink much, especially having felt like crap.
The 26th I taught at Yamasaki, which is always fun. Still, I’m not as big on my new classes as I was on the old. Sad to say, I’m starting to like Eshin more, which is just a crime and sadness.
The 27th and 28th were at Miyachuu, but nothing of note happened that I recall.
The 29th was a holiday. I believe it was around this time that I started feeling ill. Stomach issues, migraine, and general misery. I believe that I may have missed one or one and a half of the 27th/28th now that I consider it. Monday was supposed to be a BOE day, but I called off due to illness. The next three days were holidays as well: part of Golden Week. I went to the big park in the area three times. Two times had good weather and nothing of interest. Once had terrible weather and another picnic market. Friday I showed up to work, but had such a migraine that I left at lunch, not having been able to eat breakfast or lunch everything hurt so much.
The next day, I had to decline practice at the Himawarikan. However, I had to go to the Okadome’s for two days of fun. It was, thankfully, very restful and tame. I adore Grandmother Okadome. We went to a sand sculpture festival (it rained) and two different onsen. Sam came, which was, in some ways, nice, and, in other ways, less pleasant. Still, it was what it was.
On the 9th of May, I resumed Miyanojo, and a day passed without interest. The tenth saw a fun, if uneventful, day at Eshin. I was supposed to have tea ceremony after, but I completely forgot, exhausted from Eshin, and still not feeling well.
The next three days, 11th-13th, were spent at the BOE doing nothing. Saturday was nuts, so I moved my guitar lesson to Friday night, which went fine despite my lack of practice for two weeks (I’d canceled lessons before).
I got my haircut on the 12th. It’s somewhat too short.
I arranged to sit out of the Pathfinder game on the 14th because I needed to make rehearsal with Obara after not having made it the week before. After rehearsal, I found out that what I thought was a group excursion to Kagoshima was me going with a random old guy in the chorus to his chorus in Kagoshima. It was super fun, though. I saw the most beautiful waitress ever that day. Too bad I looked gross even for me.
Sunday I went back to Kagoshima city (the 15th) and met a new voice teacher, Yoko, with whom I expect to start studying regularly. She invited me to join the opera group in Kagoshima, which I intend to do, schedule permitting. It’ll be a pleasant diversion. It felt good to have a teacher again, and I actually got so into my singing that I forgot what I was doing and blew it. It was a failure, but one which felt wonderful. I suppose it sounds egotistical, but I was carried away by the power in my voice. What’s odd is that I’ve never previously admired this quality, one I’d thought was entirely lacking.
Monday was Eshin, and it was incredibly fun. I like it there more and more. I don’t know what to make of that. After was Eikaiwa, which was fun. I started a workout routine again on Monday night. As of Tuesday morning, I don’t hurt too much to continue, which is nice.
I’m trying to read biographies of all of the presidents. I finished Washington and I’m partly through Adams. I don’t read as quickly as I used to, it seems. Still, I think this is the best way for me to go through US history: I’ll make myself familiar with the characters, then I’ll go back and read actual history to see how it puts together and get the various perspectives.
I had three dreams which struck me as worthy of note. One I’ve forgotten.
In one, Han Solo was my dad, which was worth recording just due to it being awesome.
In the other, Rachael and I were fooling around in my bed back in Michigan. She’d offered something rather interesting, and I was keen to accept. I was enjoying being with her physically, but I didn’t care for her emotionally and rather enjoyed this feeling in dream. However, mum cockblocked me. For whatever reason, I end up cockblocked in a vast majority of my inappropriate dreams. Such is the curse of life.
I think I’ll refrain from posting this right now and post it on the 18th. I’ve only written a small bit of what I wanted to here. These are the facts, for the most part, but it lacks any of the generalities that I’d like to go into. However, I’m sleepy and tired of writing.
(continued on the 20th)
Tuesday was Miyachu, which was pleasant. So was Wednesday. It’s nice that I’ve got Tateishi Sensei. He makes everything so much more fun there because I’m pretty much guaranteed a class. The weather has been perfect all week, which also helps.
Wednesday was tea ceremony, and, for the first hour, it went pretty well. Just doing the ceremony was fun. I was shocked and horrified to realize that I have forgotten how to wear kimono! I couldn’t get my obi to work for the life of me. However, it was more the sleepiness, frustration, and physical discomfort that was a problem. I have never recaptured the feelings that I used to get during Tea Ceremony, though I’ve had brief flashes. That’s disappointing. I also found myself wondering whether, if I weighed less, I’d enjoy things more. I suspect that this is the case.
Yesterday (Thursday the 19th) I was at Eshin. It went quite well until I hurt my ankle. I was climbing a playground and my foot slipped backwards on a tiny staircase and my foot bent way too far towards my leg. It hurt. A lot. I was limping all day yesterday, and today is still a bit painful. What’s heartbreaking is that it means that I’ve got to go easy on Yamasaki, and they usually have such fun recesses. I also snapped at a kid. He deserved it, but I felt bad. He wouldn’t stop playing with my ukulele. I’d stopped bringing it to class because kids wouldn’t stop playing with it, but I’d been begged to bring it back. So I did. I have a hard time getting kids to take my injunctions to stop seriously. Part of it is being a gaijin, part of it is the nonthreatening persona that I’ve created for class. Still, I took the kid to town. I think he got it. But I scared other kids. It made me feel bad. I don’t like that I have to do anything scarry. If I were a real teacher, I could handle the class differently. Even if I were a more regular guest. But a lot of these kids are used to Japanese teaching, and the old western style of, “let’s settle down,” doesn’t seem to work. Though there’s less of it in Japan than in China, the adversarial relationship between the school and the students seems to be pretty common still. I know there’s even some of it in the US, but I never felt it on a really personal level.
Saturday night I’m going to a firefly boat festival in town, near Yamasaki Elementary. That ought to be fun. I had to reschedule my opera rehearsal to make it, but, that’s not an issue. Well, it may be. Typing that was good because I realize that the time the teacher wanted to reschedule for is a time that I can’t be there. Because of course it is. This weekend is my first concert in the town choir. So, we’ll see how that goes.
As is probably evidenced by an absence of about a month, the last month was rough. How and why I’m at a loss to express. Partly health. Partly . . . just . . . nothing. I don’t know what the issue is. Health tends to start a snowball effect, but, I don’t think the gap started when I was unwell. Things have been rough. My thoughts have been incredibly morbid. I just can’t stop thinking about death, and dying, and being old, and things like that. It’s really scary. I find my heart racing sometimes and have to try to forcibly snap myself out of these thoughts. I really hope that the August vacation goes well. However, it seems that Simona is upset with me, though she’s either downplaying how upset she is or is teasing WAY too much. She doesn’t like my lack of jealousy and possessiveness (sound familiar, Chan?). Meanwhile, I find myself settling more and more into the thoughts of being forever alone. The crash of ’08 really did wreck our lives. We missed a narrow window to live the lives that were supposed to make us happy. Still, there are brief flashes of optimism, even if they are brief and weak, and that’s something good. The weather is beautiful. I wish I had time (and privacy) to sit outside and do nothing. It’s frustrating to always keep my curtains closed, but, otherwise I’m sitting smack dab in view of everybody coming or going on the intersection (and most of those are my students).
I don’t have a whole lot to say that I haven’t. Life continues on and I continue in it.