420 in idea barrages

1.) At least the terrifying economic and political situations absolve us of the stressful myth that anyone has ever known what they were doing.

2.) The world knows Madonna on a first-name stasis.

3.) These “Christians” in America, were Jesus here they’d surely arrest the founder of their faith for speaking Aramaic on a plane.

4.) Back in our day, the memes were SO much less potent, someone passing around a little Mr. T Ate My Balls at a concert, do a little All Your Base Are Belong To Us out behind the school, nobody got hurt, the memes these days, they’re totally hydroponic, cooked up in modern labs, shipped in from British Columbia.

5.) Anytime anyone writes a sentence with an Ohio place name at the end, it seems like they’re surprised.

6.) Sit around in a Subway dressed really nice, offering to buy subs off people. Claim you’re a sandwich art collector.

7.) I guess I love “The Fisher King” so much because the two leads are so much like two of my main personality facets. A too-clever-by-half cynic with a ponytail who speaks before he thinks, guilt ridden because of it, just wants to scream truth to the world from a mansion in LA. A timid emotionally-wounded romantic academic with an unruly beard who just wants to scream truth at tourists in Central Park. Jack and Parry aren’t all of me but… there’s no movie out there that’s more of a conversation between two character that are very much like strong elements of myself. (The part of me that is like Adam Goldberg’s character in DAZED AND CONFUSED, though, he’s my secret weapon.)

8.) One verbal quirk of mine is I always say they “grow” animals at farms, not “raise” them. I always try to catch myself but can’t.

9.) Sometimes waiting to officially announce projects is even harder than waiting for acceptances, if you’re a blabbermouth like me.

10.) The fire department supply company grew so large it had hose, it had hose, it had hose in different area codes.

11.) It’s like an erotic version of Flappy Bird. I guess you’d call the game-type an “endless rutter”.

12.) If Yo-Yo Ma ever put on a bunch of weight, it would cause The Dad Joke Apocalypse.