313 in idea barrages

1.) From whence doth thou spring forth, Joseph of the Cottoned-Eye, to whence dost thou tarry? If not for thee, surely would I be trothed.

2.) It really is annoying when Dr. Oz heart surgeon pretends to be a nutritionist or Degrasse-Tyson astrophysicist pretend to be a biologist. Knowing one science doesn’t mean you know all science.

3.) My actual google search: “what’s that guns n roses song that goes chuck e cheese chuck e cheese chuck e cheese”. (The answer was “Anything Goes”.)

4.) The best line ever from a Hercules movie: “the blood of Uranus must never be destroyed”.

5.) I just want there to be a gong at the presidential debates and I want to hold the mallot.

6.) I sing the Christopher Reeve theme as “Loooook up in the skkkyyyyyyy, SU-per-man, loooook up in the skkkyyyy, SU-PER-MAN!”

7.) Judas and Jesus were great friends until their fates brought them to cross-purposes.

8.) Write a story about Donald Trump’s adventures as a spy. Call it “Agent Orange”. Free money here, folks.

9.) Admiral Akbar, undoing Haley Mills and Haley Mills’ plan to reunite their parents with a single sentence.

10.) Asked why someone would go through all that just to steal cereal, he could only explain “I did it for the Kix, man.”

11.) Sell hemp-scented soap as “dope on a rope”.

12.) Captain EO’s full legal name is Captain Eieio MacDonald.

13.) Is everyone surviving Thunderdome Day in Utica? Are you all going to get… beyond Thunderdome?

14.) Write about a fictional town called Emerson Lake just so you can call the local fortune teller “The Emerson Lake Palmer”.

15.) When the gods and demi-gods had their annual meeting in Mexico, it got really confusing because “Jesus!” and “Hey Zeus!” sounded the same.

16.) Recent nightmares: The Mall At The Nexus Of Alternate Realities, A Desert Island Where I Had To Battle White Supremacists

17.) I don’t actually think anyone’s been paid off to disrupt Trump rallies but IF it’s true, please, hire me, I’m large & very loud.

18.) “Catch A Rising Starving Artist” would be the most honest and therefore least popular reality show ever. Grand prize - free bar nachos.

19.) “Doing it for the exposure” evokes images of abandoning the elderly in the Arctic during times of starvation & it’s just about as humane.

20.) Oscillating/Ceiling would be the most meta fan-fiction ever.

21.) He used a time machine to get to know the Knights of the Round Table first-hand, up close and Percival.

22.) Poetic justice in that tomorrow your After St. Patrick’s hangovers will have you getting out of bed gingerly.

23.) You have gone entirely crazy for the slow food movement. You are living sous vida loca.

24.) I don’t want a damsel in distress, I’d rather be with a damsel that I might drive into distraction with desire.

25.) Man goes into pants. Pants go over undies. Shart’s in the undies. Your shart.

26.) I hope that if you’re next in line to be the Mother Superior, your title is “Second-To-Nun”.

27.) His addiction to solving the Rubiks required radical action, he was going to get his cubes tied.

28.) Lacing up her shoe, she heard the holes exclaim “kiss me, I’m eyelets”.