213 in idea barrages

1.) When you consider the lifespans of cats & mice Tom was probably battling generations of Jerries mistakenly thinking they were all one mouse.

2.) Open a BDSM pizzeria called “Toppings”. Why not. Go for it.

3.) If you hate Valentine’s, get together and make me wildly successful, you’ll be able to celebrate Valentine’s as my half-birthday instead.

4.) Post all your pictures of America’s underfunded infrastructure to the new app Crumblr.

5.) 11 days into the diet I haven’t lost much weight but I have developed a craving for red Twizzlers and McDonalds french fries mixed together. I think I’ll call them “Tryzlers”.

6.) The older I get the more it bugs me how the Tanners kept calling him “ALF” even after he told them his name was Gordon.

7.) “Hey Mike, what are you overthinking against?” I pause then reply “Whadda you got?”

8.) It’s a good thing I’m not a barbarian because they’d ask me “What is best in life?” and I’d be all “How It’s Made on youtube at 3AM?”

9.) Your Jet-Ski And You: Seadoos and Seadon’ts

10.) Italian parsley or, as it’s known in Italy, “parsley”.

11.) When you realize that FIGHT CLUB is a sequel to FERRIS BUELLER, it all starts making sense.

12.) hey hey, my my, guacamole you oughta try, there’s more to this mixture than meets the eye, hey hey my my

13.) If you’re going to write a story about outlaw pottery, at least title it NATURAL BORN KILNERS.

14.) In researching a potential “Ain’t No Rest For The Wiccans” parody I discovered “Ain’t No Rest For The Wicked” isn’t by Kid Rock.

15.) Dirty talk must be difficult when you’re both vegan and all meat-based references are ideologically awkward.

16.) In this dream the Liquid Zoo in Van Nuys was remade into an upscale sushi bar. Maybe the hookers at the 24-Hour CVS are into Japanese food?

17.) I wonder how a society would be affected by binary stars and no night. How science and travel would develop without a night sky.

18.) On the Utica Poets Society page, I complained that they’ve limited our event invites to 50 a pop because we never buy ads or boosts. Today, in the corner of my feed, there’s an ad asking us to pay ten dollars to boost that very post. Facebook, I hate that you are the only valid tool for our needs.

19.) I still try to convince people that I think Dragonball Z is called “Dragonballz”.

20.) Chinese mustard. Or as it’s known in China, “mustard”.

21.) When Ollie poops in your shoe, best to just call it “Foot Stool” and move on.

22.) Bacon or as its known in Japan, “Doki-Doki Pancetta”.

23.) What I’ve learned from facebook this week is that daddies and daughters dance, from time to time.