27 in idea barrages

1.) Like the mighty yeti, there is just enough fleeting footage of me on youtube that you could make an argument that I exist.

2.) High-end knife terms that sound like personals ads shorthand: swedge, included ferrorod, jimping, ambidextrous thumb stud.

3.) Mermaids get their beach bodies by luring sailors to their death which is still a less painful path than regular exercise.

4.) Every sentence written on a dating app ends with a proposition.

5.) Am I the only one who sees how Pharma Bro looks like an evil Klaus Nomi? Am I the only one who knows who both those people are?

6.) Of course Ben Stiller married the girl on Hey Dude that was everyone’s secondary crush if the brunette blew us off first.

7.) You can’t mostly give up on the conventional but still stalk it on facebook. You have to let go of it totally before living is worth a damn.

8.) If your name is George and you’re turned into a giant rock monster, at least your superhero name can be Geo-Ogre.

9.) A story about someone who’s really good at being a detective but hates it called PUT ME OUT OF MY MYSTERY.

10.) Read the fine print. Make sure the clown you’re hiring is actually Bozo. If you accidentally hire Bonezone the Clown, it’s a different act.

11.) facebook bot trying to get me to add “her” called “Arnulfo”. THAT’S a new gibberish name.

12.) When Marshall Mathers claims your house so he can build his casino for the good of the community, that’s eminem domain.

13.) An Amish lad looking for a Valentines gift for his sweetie might find it at Burlington Goat Factory.

14.) I still haven’t written that parody of Nada Surf’s “Popular” about Mark Knopfler.