26 in idea barrages

1.) Truffle Ruffles are a great idea, linguistically, but probably terrible on a functional level.

2.) When fighting skeletons in a role-playing game, you gotta get lich or die tryin’.

3.) Yes, stomach, I used to give you a lot more food and you are punishing me for not but I don’t want my feet cut off at 50.

4.) If I could have any one arthouse film director endorse a baby food, it would certainly be Jim Jarmusch Jarred Mush.

5.) The billionaires named their sports teams after the races and species they were trying to wipe out, seemingly without a trace of irony.

6.) If Trump becomes president, day one he’s gonna pardon Martin Shkreli and make him Surgeon General.

7.) Internet fetishes that sound like Klingon proper names: Vore, M’Preg, Splosh.

8.) It would probably be too preciously meta to do a parody of “eat it” about Edith Bunker.

9.) What’s the male equiv of vajazzling? Pejazzling?

10.) The best pen name ever is Pendleton Name.

11.) If you think about it, the sun is just a fusion reactor barfing radiation on us.

12.) The proper ‘shipping portmanteau for Skeletor and Velma is “Skelma”.

13.) It’s about the forces inside your mind telling you to stop making obvious worn-out Canadian jokes. It’s called “Inside Oot”.

14.) Has Hanna Banana released an album of Grateful Dead covers called “The Twerking Man’s Dead” yet?

15.) There is no news story on the internet that I would prefer as a video or soundfile. Transcribe me an article.

16.) If you’re gonna do a stoner riff on “Heart & Soul” that’s fine but “Smoke some weed”? C’mon, it’s “Smoke A Bowl”. RHYME SCHEME. RESPECT IT.

17.) It’s like Chuck E Cheese except with pasta instead of pizza. It’s called “Penne Arcade”. It’s… pretty terrible.

18.) It’s not enough to just kill irony and let something else sit in its chair. We have to smash the throne as well.

19.) From certain angles, molars look like tiny white butts.

20.) Where did the pirate mathematician go to school? RRRRR-Pi.

21.) Syracuse, love ya dearly, but you gotta do something about the parking at Armory Square. I damn nearly had to park in Mattydale.