22 in idea barrages

1.) If you think I’m grumpy about not being able to find a day job, boy howdy, I am a typhoon of resentment on a diet. Oh Lord.

2.) The snuggle is real. Or, anyway, it would be.

3.) Banksy is too bigsy to failsy.

4.) A Super Bowl pool except on which Super Bowl will finally just have a man die there on the field then cut to the Doritos ad.

5.) Stop calling them “feet” start calling them “ground hands” see if you can start a trend!

6.) Yeah, fortune favours the bold but I prefer italics.

7.) Trends will come and trends will go but as long as there are soap operas, there will always be a character with an eyepatch.

8.) Only the richest most out-of-touch douches WANT their cities occupied by floating political conventions or sporting events.

9.) Paul Rudd snorted Dick Clark’s ashes to gain his slow-aging powers.

10.) Come on, Republicans, even you gotta know to not vote for whoever Kid Rock endorses.

11.) Ted Cruz is confused by the “Ted Cruz loves Nickelback” meme and he’s all like “Nuh-uh, I HATE recycling, it’s MUSLIM!”

12.) The upside to the Zika virus is… it’s sure gonna flip the script on a lot of anti-family-planning idiots, isn’t it?

13.) “Our television rating system is both antiquated and Puritan, viewer depression is advised.”

14.) The key is to start a Captain Beefheart cover band called “Jackalope Mask Replica”.