112 in idea barrages

1.) The horses don’t believe in me but they’ve always been naysayers.

2.) It is almost impossible to believe David Bowie’s dead. It has to be a hoax. I’ve seen that man fend off a hurricane.

3.) All seven billion of us need to be more like David Bowie to make up for the loss of the real one. Good God.

4.) The only people on Twitter who aren’t mourning Bowie right now are people tryin’ to sell you something.

5.) Everyone in the suburbs is trying to get to the city, everyone in the city’s trying to get to the suburbs, only those first ones are right.

6.) The good thing about being unemployed is I don’t have to get fired for calling in “Bowie’s dead, how could you work today”.

7.) Bowie isn’t supposed to DIE, he’s like Vonnegut or Henson, at worst he’s supposed to just DISAPPEAR and leave a fluttering cloak behind.

8.) King’s original premise PET SEMINARY was poo-pooed at the time but now in the internet age, a story about cat priests would sell huge.

9.) The latest facebook bot to send me a friend request was named “Aprilia”. I love these fake names, I wanna make a language of them.

10.) Some guy no one has ever heard of had his Twitter checkmark taken away for being a dick. Our threshold for “news” is absurdly low.

11.) Telling people that they’re wrong in how they’re mourning David Bowie is the least David Bowie thing imaginable.

12.) Online dating services are about as willfully cruel an experience as one can undergo without the process being fatal.

13.) My favourite quote by Mark Twain about poutine is that it is “a good cheese fries spoiled”.

14.) Let’s make little comic pamphlets recruiting people for agnosticism, leave ‘em around churches, see how THEY like it.

15.) Gotta love how racists defend the Whitesboro village seal as “they’re just wrestling!” like how you’d explain parents having sex to a kid.

16.) Did Peaches ever cover PUSA’s “Peaches”? I kind of think we need that.

17.) Tomorrow’s the Iowa Thing? In other words, today is like the first day when it would actually make SENSE to cover the election this heavily.