merry barragemas in idea barrages

1.) Rudolph and Frosty each get a vote in the yearly Hip-Hop Awards because they’re both Rankin-Bass.

2.) Refer to Presbyterians as “prezbos”. For example, “oh that Suzie Johnson, I hear she’s a huge prezbo”.

3.) If your kid/friend’s kid is dating someone in a frat, refer to him as his/her “brofriend” until you get socked in the face. It’s fun!

4.) How much of your remaining faith in mankind died when you saw the trailer for DADDY’S HOME? 25%? 40%?

5.) It’s a shame Cat Stevens changed his name before he could do a Stevens-squared collab with Ray Stevens.

6.) Our Talking Heads-esque art-rock band will be called “Outsmarted By Our Own Process”. It’ll be glorious, you guys.

7.) Sometimes I just want to rap that “damn, it feels good to be a Munster”.

8.) Of course he was doomed in DUNE, Baron Harkonnen was operating at peak boil.

9.) If you work in the lighting department in films, it is important to keep in shape between projects by doing kliegles.

10.) Dear birth control ads, who are these people who don’t understand that birth control doesn’t prevent VDs? Would they OWN tvs?

11.) Well, it’s officially the temperature everyone on the Syracuse quad would be in shorts and playing Frisbee on April 10th. But it’s Xmas Eve.

12.) Kylo uses a wormhole to invade the Simpsons universe and steal Bart’s elephant in REN & STAMPY.

13.) Name your band, all its albums and all its songs by sampling from the comments of baffling deviantart fan pornographs.

14.) Mister Mixedpickles from Superman is just Q from Star Trek when he’s stoned.

15.) The fact that there were no ads for Precious Moments figurines starring Gollum still unnerves me.

16.) Trump is one of those dried oranges with clove in it from two years ago that fell into an ornament box and has been festering ever since.

17.) A Punch and Judy puppet attains sentience to comment on Renaissance Society in “Dax Meadroom”.

18.) Okay, why WOULD scientists “lie” about climate change? Where would be the benefit? The oilmen made millionaires of the quacks who took their side.

19.) If they make GOOD WILL HAUNTING and there isn’t the line “how about bobbing for THOSE apples?” I’ll feel a little ripped off.

20.) David Hasselhoff was only big in Germany because his name is so funny to say in a bad German accent. “HAssssulHOFF”. It’s great.

21.) “You’re A Mean One, Mr. Grinch” was the very first diss track.

22.) Admiral Akbar rollin’ through Utica, past the Munstitute, hella yellin’ “It’s A Pratt!”

23.) Since adults don’t get Santa anymore, let us at least have Murray Christmas who might leave a sixer or some scratch tickets on our porches.

24.) “Some Moff Got Choked To Death By Darth Vader” isn’t an OPTIMAL “Gramma Got Run Over By A Reindeer” parody but it might do.

25.) Take an Indian flatbread, roll it up in a bar and light it on fire. As they’re throwing you out, yell “I THOUGHT THIS WAS NAAN-SMOKING!”

26.) Now that Disney owns Marvel AND Walt’s early work, it paves the way for an Oswald The Bucky Rabbit mash-up.

27.) Only on Twitter could people unironically be “Actually…“-ing each others’ opinions on a movie called “Love, Actually”.

28.) Maybe Satan would be less of a jerk if we could get him to see God’s just not that into him.