128 in idea barrages

1.) Performing, even material with an element of self-effacement, makes me feel handsome and confident in a way I rarely do otherwise, I dunno.

2.) Just realized that every time a rapper refers to her or himself as “OG” we should imagine said rapper eating in an Olive Garden.

3.) Do cross-fit gyms have twelve stations in them?

4.) Have we done the Scooby-Doo/Breakfast Club mash-up yet, Internet Irony Police?

5.) What’s tiny, fuzzy and refuses to call the trunk anything other than “the boot”? A cockney spaniel.

6.) Maybe if BATMAN V SUPERMAN bombs enough, they’ll sell DC to Disney and Wonder Woman can be a Disney Princess.

7.) Realized Trump is the evil counterpart to Syracuse’s mascot Otto the Orange escaped from The Mirror Universe & all became clear.

8.) Irony: the very-slightly-socialish New Deal all the right-wingers hate was the only thing that saved them from a full-communist revolution.

9.) MIKE FACT: melatonin DOES help me sleep but then I get about five hours of the most horrifying vivid nightmares you can imagine.

10.) Economic change is man-made & reversible, just like climate change, no matter what plausible deniability bribed intellectuals may provide.

11.) Hi I’m Mike and I can only be modestly hopeful about Star Wars 7 because I have Prequel Traumatic Stress Disorder.

12.) Donald Trump to an aid: “Google Reichstag for me, I hear burning that worked for the last guy, what is that, a plant?”

13.) Guy can say “oh Dadsy loaned me a mere million dollars” but as long as he hates brown folks he’s “a man of the people”? America.

14.) A really lame superhero whose only power is to shapeshift into a goat and back named Shapegoat.

15.) Irony: Donald Trump, who hates Hispanic people, is as overrated as a politician as El Pollo Loco is as a fast food.

16.) Some of them have these weapons IN HOPES there’s violence so they’d never need to compromise & without them we could really work together.

17.) A politician suggests something race-baiting and un-Constitutional, pundits applaud “shrewd political move!” America.

18.) Chupacabra: for people who’ve accepted yeti are too big to not be found but still wanna believe in a crazy thing.

19.) Nothing like a baldly racist letter to the editor signed by a member of “something something for equality vice-president white guy’s name”.

20.) We don’t so much make music as we commit music. You just catch us in the act of committing music.

21.) When all the other rock stars of my generation are dead, Axl Rose’ll be at the penultimate funeral in a wheelchair pushed by Keith Richards.

22.) Pretending you think the food term “carbonara” is “chupacabra” IS fun for the whole family.

23.) Go into Victoria’s Secret and ask for something from the Chupaca line until someone gets the joke.

24.) Moment of clarity: realized the Star Wars prequels were so bad, left us so sour they retroactively made Spaceballs less funny.

25.) If there’s ever a Spaceballs 2 I’m pitching the subtitle “How Lonestar Got His Scroob Back” over “The Search For More Money”.