123 in idea barrages

1.) Get a tattoo of Nightcrawler, just above your butt. Call it your Bamfstamf.

2.) On the off-chance I ever get a cash-in wine brand, it will be called “Ugly Label Wine”. The label will be AMAZINGLY ugly.

3.) Pull a “Go Set A Watchman” and pretend you’ve found a draft of “Catcher In The Rye 2: No Holden Back”.

4.) The centaur’s cocaine addiction had taken over his life so he got himself into a 24 step programme.

5.) America, when will you shed your selfishness enough to let go of your guns and gun culture that are killing you piece by piece?

6.) The less guns, the less gun-worshipping culture, the more herd immunity we have against these things. Oh God, Berdu, my stomach is sick.

7.) Mess up one fact about hockey blue-line rules on Twitter and some Ontarian’s gonna come along and do some Cansplaining.

8.) LIFEHACK: Add too much water to your rice cooker? NO PROBLEM. Just chuck a few iPhones in there to balance it out.

9.) People would rather think they have their little murder buttons to protect themselves than make the shared world better by giving them up.

10.) I’m honestly surprised some NRAGOP flack hasn’t said “once there’s ENOUGH mass shootings, they’ll know it won’t get ‘em famous anymore!”

11.) Michael Jackson’s song DO YOU REMEMBER THE TIME? successfully predicted every “joke” on FAMILY GUY years ahead of time.

12.) Art is the act of surprising one’s self, craft is the act of turning those into surprises for others.

13.) To bear witness to these horrors really underlines the use of the word “bear”, it’s this horrible burden weighing on our shoulders.

14.) This beard’s getting too itchy. If any ladies wanna date me specifically because of the beard, you’re on a clock.

15.) Every Christmas season, I’m again astonished that there’s still a festive flower display called “Kissing Balls”.