4th republican debate thoughts. in The Napkin.

Biggest cheers for Marco Rubio and Jeb Bush, out of the gate. Least for poor John Kasich. Moderator opens with some jokes that nobody responded to. Ouch.

A minimum wage of $15/hr comes out to around 31k a year, they claim. 15 * 40 * 52=$31200.

Out of curiosity, at our current minimum wage of 7.25: 7.25 * 40 * 52=$15080.

Carson would not raise the minimum wage, “So people can enter the job market and have opportunities.” …I don’t even know what to say.

Rubio: Rubio alluding to this idea that anybody can become rich. (Yes, there are people that beat the odds. But man, the odds are way against you, in terms of moving up the social caste.) He thinks people should be paid more, but doesn’t think raising the minimum wage is the way to do it.

Okay, don’t get me started on automation. If a machine can do the job of many humans, then we should ALL benefit from that innovation, not just whoever owns the machine.

Rubio: We can raise wages by supporting businesses. It’s a language game, folks. “Welders make more money than philosophers.” He’s right about vocational education stigmatized, but he’s also taking a jab at intellectuals.

Oooh, the debt. Here it comes. Republicans always increase the debt.

Kasich: “People need help.” Said they moderately increased minimum wage. Referenced Hillary, take a shot. “Create an environment for jobs.” Ah, language. “Reduce medicare growth.” “Increase defense spending.” He used the word “thrice.” I like that.

Cruz Control: 10% flat tax. I’d swear he already got called out on the numbers on this. Oh my god, he referenced Calvin Coolidge. His refusal to regulate industry is part of why the Great Depression occurred (during Herbert Hoover, another republican’s term).

Oh man, poor Jeb is pulling a Jim Webb “Where’s my time?” He’s right, he hasn’t talked yet. ‘REPEAL ALL THE OBAMA LAWS, START OVER.’ Just about the only thing I agree with, is regulation of the internet. Ever go to amazon.com? You still pay taxes. He mentioned Hillary, take another shot.

Obama: 107k jobs/month
Bush: 13k jobs/month
Clinton: 240k jobs/month

These are numbers from the MODERATOR, in terms of jobs added per month during an administration.

Fiorina: Doesn’t address the question of how Democrats have had a better job creation rate over the past twenty-three years. …Mentions her THREE PAGE TAX CODE. Okay, Herman Cain. Okay, I’m confused, why is she getting cheers? She didn’t actually say anything.

Moderator: 50 years ago, average CEO made 20x the average worker. Today, it’s 300x. Wow, these are good legitimate questions from the freaking FOX Business network.

Rand Paul: Income inequality is bad in areas of democratic influence. Blames federal reserve. Oh Rand, I’m rooting for you, but you’re not making any sense.

Uh guys? Obama was vetted to all hell. Even after that ridiculous BIRTHER MOVEMENT, he still got reelected. And even if he was a muslim WHY WOULD IT FUCKING MATTER YOU ASSHATS.

Yo, Carson. It’s one thing to be honest about trying to stab a dude. It’s another to promote it. TAKE ANOTHER SHOT, REFERENCED HILLARY.

Obama administration wants to block the deportation of 5 million people. Do you realize how many people that is? THAT’S A LOT OF FUCKING PEOPLE. And, let me guess, they’re phrasing the question so the republicans can be all LET’S GET RID OF PEOPLE, SEND THEM ALL OUT. They’re not getting the First Nation votes, I can tell you that. Oh boy, this question is for Trump.

When it comes to immigrants: As long as you pay your taxes, I don’t give a fuck where you came from. This country is made on immigrants. Everybody is an immigrant. Except for those First Nation homies. They did come from somewhere else, but they were here first, and got kicked out by white assholes.

Trump: “If you don’t think walls don’t work, just ask Israel.” …What? They’re STILL in a conflict with the Palestinians. Moreover, WE’RE NOT AT WAR WITH MEXICO. Via the Monroe Doctrine, countries in the western hemisphere are intrinsically our friends. It’s not the 1800’s anymore where we’re quabbling over land. Maybe rich people haven’t considered this, but if we fuck with Mexico, a lot of people won’t get easy vacations. Hey, it’s a nice country.

Moderator is asking whether the deportation of 5 million people would effect the economy. (Sorry if it’s the wrong effect/affect. I CAN’T TELL THE DIFFERENCE NO MATTER HOW MANY TIMES I GOOGLE IT.)

Trump doesn’t answer the question, instead says stuff about how people should come in “legally.”

John Kasich: “For the 11 million people, come on folks, we all know you can’t pick them up and ship them across the border. This is a silly argument.” This is why John Kasich sounds reasonable. He got an applause, though the fact that he isn’t a loudmouth asshat is probably why he won’t get the nomination. I appreciate the ‘Reductio ad absurdum’ of this stupid immigration issue.

Trump is claiming Ike moved 11.5 million immigrants out of this country. Let’s fact-check. Hrm. There was an “immigration problem”, but I can’t find anything specifically verifying this. I’m confused. Why are people so afraid of immigration? To be all “you’re not an AMERICAN.” And how the fuck did you get here? My dad wasn’t born here. He went through whatever channels, but he wasn’t born here. Why are people so afraid of people entering this country? Fucking idiots.

You know those “illegal” immigrants you’re trying to deport? There’s a lot of immigrants who are citizens here, and they vote.

Trump tries not to let Kasich speak. Kasich mentions frakking. (Battlestar Galactica aside), look up what frakking is. It’s bad for the environment.

What is this insistence that illegal immigrants “commit crimes”? I’d love to see the statistics. No doubt some do, but do they really commit more than a “citizen”?

Cruz, on reducing benefits to veterans: “have benefits grow more slowly.” …What?

You’re an asshole, and fuck you.

“If a bunch of people with a Journalism Degree were coming over and driving down wages in the press.”

This is an actual quote from this motherfucker. And he got cheers for it. What the fuck is wrong with republicans? WAKE UP, ASSHATS.

Well damn, Cruz Control is a verified asshat.

How will Fiorina destroy OBAMACARE: FIORINA IS AN ASSHAT. Government has gotten bigger over fifty years? And how have we been these past fifty years? Pretty damned good.

Fiorina is an asshat. And just because she has a vagina doesn’t mean people should vote for her.

Fiorina: “Health insurance is a cozy little market between health insurance companies and regulators.” Sigh. She gets applause.

Asking a “free market” to “compete” for health insurance is retarded. They don’t give a shit about us. All they care about is the bottom line.

How can you dare imply that Health Insurance is some controverisal issue. Fuck you. Go buy some birth control under your regulations. Fuck you.

“what is the alternative to OBAMACARE?”

Fiorina: “Free Market.”

Carson is an idiot.

Paul still is the least idiot.

Cruz Control: “There are more words in the IRS code than there are in the Bible.” Are you shitting me? If your ass turns around and quotes that ancient book, I’ll remember this.

Another asshole that wants a flat tax. What is this, Steve Forbes Week? Saying that someone making 36K pays no taxes doesn’t mean shit when your party DOESN’T GIVE A SHIT ABOUT HELPING AMERICANS. Then he quotes a 10% flat tax. Do the fucking math, asshole. You want to drive this nation into debt, while helping your corporate overlords?

WE’LL CUT YOUR TAXES. You fuckers, I’ve heard this before. Go fuck yourself. FUCK YOU YOU FUCKING FUCKERS. Yeah, I’m bad at cursing.

Cruz Control says he’s going to eliminate “five” departments. Then mentions the Department of Commerce twice. He just Rick Perryied. (Ya know. Perry wanted to eliminate ‘three’ departments, then went OOPS on failing to remember the third one.)

Jeb! referenced hilldawg, take another shot. Referenced her again, take another shot.

As someone who will never vote for him and thinks he is a giant asshat, the dangerous thing about Marco Rubio is that he comes off as genuine.

Rubio: “Rand is a committed isolationist.” .....How is this an insult? A republican isolationist would be truely conservative, because they’d spend their few dollars on THIS COUNTRY rather than bombing other countries.

Paul: “How is it conservative to add a trillion dollars to military expenditures?” Burn, fucking BURN. I really hope this quote takes fire.

Rubio then goes on about how warmongering helps the economy. I don’t even know what to say to this.

Paul: “Can you be a conservative and be liberal on military spending?” Motherfucker is dropping some truth bombs here. Bet that’s how he’ll never be elected.

Trump: We need to make our military BIGGER AND BETTER SO NOBODY MESSES WITH US. Are you fucking shitting me? Why the fuck do you think everybody hates us? BECAUSE WE’RE FUCKING WITH THEM.

Now Kasich is pulling the “where’s my time?”

Haha, Trump said ‘china’. I’ll never hear that the same way again. “THE DEAL IS FIVE THOUSAND SIX HUNDRED PAGES LONG. IT’S LIKE OBAMACARE, NOBODY EVER READ IT.” Tell that to your homies when the next Iran deal goes through and people blast it WITHOUT FUCKING READ IT, YOU FUCKING ASSHOLES. Oh, Trump said CHINA again.

Carson: How do we make global jihadists look like losers? DID YOU TAKE A PAGE OUT OF TRUMP’S BOOK? Uhhh. His solution is to TAKE THEIR ‘ENERGY FIELD’. Wow. Just wow. Talk about a War for Oil. I can’t take this motherfucker seriously.

How is “homeland security” still a term? That’s straight out of Nazi Germany’s handbook. WE MUST SECURE THE MOTHERLAND. Bet nobody will address all the shootings we’ve had WHICH HAVE BEEN BY WHITE BOYS.

Nope, Jeb! blames it on ISLAMIC TERRORISTS.

Trump’s right that nobody talks about North Korea’s nuclear weapons. Excuse me while I shiver; I never want to agree with that asshat. TRUMP SAID CHINA. Ha ha.

Trump: “We can not continue to be the policemen of the world.” :: shivers :: I hate when I agree with this asshat.

Jeb!: “We shouldn’t be the world’s policemen, but we should be a world leader.” On letting Putin take out ISIS: “That’s like monopoly, that’s not how the world works.”

Ugh, I’m agreeing with Trump. I’ve been saying for fifteen years that if we went to the middle east to get oil, we should have gotten oil out of it. Will still never vote for that asshat.

Fiorina: WE WON’T TALK TO PEOPLE. What an asshat. Talking about warmongering. Quit cunt-waving, asshat.

I’m starting to adore Rand Paul’s pen. Paul: “Saying we’re going to have a no-fly zone means we’re going to shoot down Russian planes.” QUIT MAKING SENSE. Nobody will vote for you if you make sense! “You can be strong without being involved with every civil war in the world.”

Trump: “Why does she keep interrupting everybody?” Well, he’s not wrong.

Rubio: “Putin is a gangster.” Even if he is, this isn’t something you say on a fucking national platform. We all know he’s a KGB mofo, but you have to at least play the game.

Another drinking game: Take a shot every time a candidate gets the game show YOU’RE OVER YOUR TIME ding-ding.

Kasich: WE WILL DESTROY CYBER-ATTACKS. I don’t think you understand how the world works. The internet is not just a series of tubes.

Did Kasich just give Obama credit for something? I had to skip back a few seconds. Something something, posturing against China with the navy in the “south china sea”. He referenced Hillary, take a shot.

Jeb! is asked whether he would bail out the banks: “We won’t have another financial crisis.” Ugh, and I was rooting for you, you asshat. Uhhh “lessen the load on community banks.” Isn’t that code for supporting giant banks? Mentioned Hillary, take another shot. Mentioned Hillary again, take another shot.

What’s with this Hillary “double down” mantra? Did they get together and decide to use this phrase?

Oooh. Moderator: “Governor, you can’t seriously guarantee there won’t be another financial crisis.” Oh Jeb!, you just dug your own grave. You’re going to the undercard next round.

Carson: Boo, regulation is baaaahd! I can hear your corporate overlords talking, you asshat. OH MY GOD, HE SAID BERNIE SANDERS! Drink some water! First mention tonight. On the financial crisis: “I would have policies that wouldn’t allow that to occur.” Oh really.

Uh guys. While glass-stevensegal was repealed during Clinton, the financial crisis occurred at the end of Dubya’s second term. You can’t blame it on Obama. I know you love to blame everything on Obama, but uh, he wasn’t in office yet. Put the kool-aid aside.

yo, cruz control, gold standard isn’t realistic anymore. Didn’t I already say that. Asshat.

Why is he being split-screened with Trump?

Kasich: “on the job training for the presidency doesn’t work and we’ve done it for almost eight years now.” You really must have taken your stupid pills before this debate. Ooh, he just got booed for being unclear. Unclear about whether he’d bail out the banks. I think he’s done and is going down to the undercard.

Fiorina is using that dirty word, socialism. She hasn’t said an intelligent thing during this debate. Which probably means her polling will go up. She’s an incompetent asshat, and that’s what republicans want.

Moderator referenced Hillary, take another shot. Points out that Hillary has an impressive resumé, gets boos from the crowd. What’s the matter, can’t handle the truth?

Good thing they’re talking about hilldawg in terms of not supporting Israel. I mean, Bernie is a fucking jew. You think he’d let down his homeboys?

Trump: WE’RE GOING TO BE SOOOO RICH.

Paul gets a loaded question about whether protecting the environment will hurt the economy. C’mon, don’t screw this up.

Aaand he does. “Let’em drill.” UUUGGGHHHH.

Well damn, I learned a new word. “profligate” Thanks, Randy.

Kasich namedrops Hillary, take a shot. OH, HE NAMEDROPPED THE BERN. GRAB A CHASER.

Fiorina namedrops Hillary, take a shot. SHE REFERRED TO HERSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. Who do you think you are, Bob Dole? And what’s this character of the Clinton brand? When Slick Willy got his willy sucked, the economy was booming and shit was good.

Cruz Control namedrops Reagan. Man, Reagan was a gigantic asshat.

Carson: During this debate TWO HUNDRED BABIES HAVE BEEN KILLED BY ABORTIONISTS. Wow, he really took his stupid pills to say “abortionist.” Nobody is out there hoping to commit abortions. This isn’t China. Oops, CHINACHINACHINACHINA.

My personal winner is Rand Paul’s pen. That was about the only time I heard anything intelligent out of any of their mouths.

Last updated November 12, 2015