1029 in idea barrages

1.) I think I’ll start calling myself an Indoorsman.

2.) A brand is a scar burnt into a living thing to prove that something else owns it. Why would you ever want to be a brand?

3.) The “basic bitch” neologism is so astonishingly misogynist I have to believe it was crafted in a GOP weaponized linguistics lab.

4.) Whenever I see a man relentlessly trying to woo a woman who is politely disinterested, I imagine him as Scrappy-Doo being held back by Fred.

5.) An entire INDUSTRY of conspiracy was created because some jackass misheard “contrail” as “chemtrail”. Word usage matters.

6.) Kool-Aid Man becomes Lovecraftian horror when you realize he offers you his blood from a statue of himself refilled from his exposed skull.

7.) On Agents of SHIELD, Fitz lost Simmons to an astronaut she was trapped with on a hell planet. The poor dude was Twilight-Zoned.

8.) The nudist, when asked what her favourite cereal was, responded “Boo Berry”.

9.) In the future when “Gob” is a slur against aliens, Willy Wonka is gonna seem REALLY racist.

10.) He totally ruined the wine tour for everyone, what a corkblocker.

11.) Every time Mario collects a power-up, a Smurf is left homeless. It leaves the most adorable little FEMA camps.

12.) O.G. Original Ghostbusters. Kickin’ It Old Zuul.

13.) The headline said Walgreens and Rite-Aid were forming a drugstore giant, I was hoping for a 40-foot robot Voltron pharmacist.

14.) I kind of want a beer stein done up like a Universal Monster called “Drinkinstein”.

15.) If I had to make a list of celebrities whose names sound like sex acts surely Skeet Ulrich would be the first name on that list.

16.) Hi, I’m Sick Of Direct TV Ads Mike Cecconi. And I’m Sick Of Direct TV Ads Mike Cecconi.

17.) The weirdest character in a Star Wars porno would probably be Admiral Stackedbar.