1027 in idea barrages

1.) The growing common usage of “squad” for “group of friends” goddamned unnerves me. Does everything gotta be a war analogy?

2.) Just like a Batman, bringing a boomerang to a gunfight and winning.

3.) Really, how did they get away with calling a line of kid toys “Monster In My Pocket”? They’re probably still laughing.

4.) It’s no longer “maybe” on facebook events, it’s “interested”. I cannot reckon out if that’s more or less useful a signifier.

5.) If someone starts covering Hallelujah at an open mic, how can we know it’s over since everyone immediately leaves? (It’s a Leonard Koan.)

6.) “Are you gluten-free? Because you can totally see my glutes for free.” (vegan pick up lines)

7.) Go to a Best Buy. Stare intently at the A/V cables. Tell anyone who asks that you’re “binge-watching the wire”.

8.) The universe was built so God could eventually listen to how inane my conversations with my mom’s dog are, just so you know.

9.) Teenage Mutant Ninja Fucillos 2: The Secret Of The Uuuuge.

10.) Eventually Mr. Peebly found someone to adopt Grape Ape but no one ever came for Vape Ape.

11.) Guy Fieri, begging for sex with the line “c’mon baby, just the frosted tips!”

12.) Amish be all like “let’s barn-fix and till”.

13.) No, I suppose I’m no provider but there is so much more there’s supposed to be to two, to some potential you and reckless me, than that.

14.) Those who are twenty-or-so-years dead were they to spring back now unaged they might mistake you for your mother or your father.

15.) The world’s never not once ever been changed by an “is” for the good. Our fates as people and as a species hang off the limbs of “should”.

16.) Uh, I think you’re glowing yellow and floating two feet above the ground, man, y’know, just saiyan.

17.) It’s not just the bacon eater, y’know. Second-hand sizzle.

18.) It’s totally unfair how survivalist outdoorsmen stole the term “bushcrafting” and so women have to call it a “bikini wax”.

19.) Lilo’s got 99 aliens. Stitch is one.

20.) “I’m altering the films! Pray I don’t alter them any further.” - Darth Lucas