916 in idea barrages

1.) We’re just failin’ until we perfect failure so we’ll know what succeeding really means. Maybe we’ll learn success is awful!

2.) They left off the B is all, it’s the Bend Times. When all the fundamentalists break and the rest of us finally learn to bend.

3.) The things designed to last, that’s all propaganda and puffery. Show me the ephemera, the inadvertent legacies, I’ll show you a culture.

4.) A weapon is not freedom. A weapon is power, maybe, but it isn’t freedom. Consider why you’re confusing power with freedom, America.

5.) The child did not like Asian cuisine, the child threw a tempura tantrum.

6.) My dream last night involved performing with an improv group at a venue that does not exist in Old Forge and then afterwards they stole my wallet and car and left me there. I don’t even know what my brain is up to these days.

7.) Soon, people won’t even understand why I called Ollie an “iDog Snuffle”.

8.) Zeus all opening the the door to the chariot, mockingly polite, “Hades first!”

9.) If you wanna drive guitar nerds up a wall, pretend to confuse Joe Bonnamossa and Joe Buttafucco.

10.) Don’t let people convince you that you secretly have an agenda if you don’t. They’re projecting their agendas onto you. Just breathe.

11.) A cool cop would at least give you a Breathalyzer that was also a melodica so you could play a song while your fate was decided.

12.) Just because you’re permanently partly broken doesn’t mean you can’t do great things. And also? The other way around too.