91 in idea barrages

1.) The major downside of fame is knowing how when you die hack paper cartoonists are going to draw tacky obvious tributes to you.

2.) I’m formally declaring copyright on the business practice known as “religion”. Back royalties and cease-and-desists are gonna be real fun.

3.) Would it have been less of an insult if she had called him an impeccably groomed nerf-herder? Was the herding of nerfs the main insult?

4.) Who actually watched the VMAs other than media wags trying to pretend that the VMAs were a story? C’mon. No one.

5.) Balladeers kicked it ode-school.

6.) I doubt Prince Charles was ever clever enough to refer to his penis as “Buckingham Phallus” but I’d like to think he did.

7.) 83% of the content of all knife review videos on youtube is the host humble-bragging about how big his hands are. It’s WEIRD, you guys.

8.) The worst part is that a high-off-his-ass Kayne West is a presidential candidate of more actual legitimacy than Donald Trump, for real.

9.) Some goddamned hipster is gonna mix sriracha in with fruit preserves, call it “harmalade” and become a millionaire.

10.) If Fox News had a cooking show, everything would be cut on the bias.

11.) Start a conversation with a native German speaker about Guardians of The Galaxy in hopes of tricking them into saying “Das Ist Groot!”

12.) I wonder how many EDM people have the stage name “DJ Salinger”.