828 in idea barrages

1.) If it’s all boy dogs around, call it “a snausage party” and hope someone laughs.

2.) Anxiety & panic aren’t about regrets, they’re about getting overwhelmed with pregrets, regretting future mistakes obsessively foreseen.

3.) Pie-making is totally street because crimping ain’t easy.

4.) Love it when cons say libs wanna run people’s lives, ignoring their own controlling positions on women’s rights, drugs, religion, etc.

5.) Aging is a series of truss-exercises.

6.) 83% of all people who think they’re flying a “drone” are flying a damn RC helicopter. Radio Shack dies and all the words change.

7.) Hell hath no slurry like fine particulate suspended in water.

8.) I just constantly LOOK like I just screwed something up. I’ve just got Resting Botch Face is all.

9.) They’re not in a committed relationship, they just get together to work on soldering projects. They’re flux buddies.

10.) Where is the ALF/FULL HOUSE fan-fiction where the Tanners and the Tanners were actually cousins?

11.) Empathy for the suffering of others is the path to ethical living, not the fear of reprisal from invisible monsters.

12.) My childhood dog Spot only tried to escape for sex. My parents’ dog now Ollie only tries to escape to kill. All in all, I’m on Team Spot.

13.) Let’s start calling uncles “maunts”. “This is my aunt and this is her husband, my maunt”.

14.) A classic play adapted for hipster children, Yo Gabler Gabler.

15.) Better to say, I never have stage fright DAY-OF. In the days leading up to, that’s where my anxiety manifests.

16.) Dear facebook memes, if Mars ever looked that big from Earth, we would all be dead from earthquakes and floods because science.