816 in idea barrages

1.) Putting your listicle in the form of a slideshow is your way of saying “I’d rather have ad revenue than have people read this through to the end.”

2.) Shots are just regrets in concentrated liquid form.

3.) If I grew a giant pumpkin for the state fair, I would sure as hell name it “Gourdzilla”.

4.) The first rule of Spite Club is they’ll close the whole thing down if just one of you goes around mentioning Spite Club.

5.) Do they have a sex competition called The KY Derby on the same day as the Kentucky Derby? If so, why not? Show your work.

6.) Everyone talks about their shows having a live band, nobody ever talks about the undead bands.

7.) Some Supermen are up up and away, some are up up every night, some are up up for the day, some are just up up up tight.

8.) Of course the devil can quote scripture well. What’s more evil than claiming to write down the word of the divine so you can control people?

9.) Alleviate the suffering of others as much as you reasonably can, only after that, sure, do as you wilt.