a less lazy barrage in idea barrages

1.) Why are all three of Kitty Pryde’s most significant love interests all named Peter? Is it, like, Superman’s LL thing?

2.) Is there “Hogan’s Heroes” fan-fiction where Klink is secretly incompetent on purpose because of like a Schindler’s List thing?

3.) I really enjoy that most of the people who think the government is about to invade live in rural hellscapes no one would want to claim.

4.) I want a parallel Colonial Williamsburg filled with 1700s hipsters. Riding, I dunno, fixed-gear carriages. Craft-brewed grog.

5.) For every “success” who ascribes “achievement” to being a type-A jerk, there are tens of thousands acting the same way, just scraping by.

6.) A fragmented history will leave them thinking the Gluten and the Lactose were ethnic groups which suffered great intolerance.

7.) He wasn’t sure if he wanted hockey hair or not, he’d have to mull it over.

8.) Trump has been saving the ditching of his wig for the day he REALLY needs publicity. It’s like his… trump card.

9.) It’s funny hpw those cheapie Christian video games were so often just on one console and were so rarely cross-platform.

10.) The upshot is, if you’ve got anxiety, any room can be a panic room.

11.) When zombies get married for a year and a day, they can’t eat hands anymore.

12.) If you take over Texas in World of Warcraft, you are rewarded with a Jade Helm. You get +5 Paranoia.

13.) “Censored At The Behest Of The Advertisers” isn’t the preferred nomenclature. They prefer “Cold-Filtered”.

14.) Kid in the city pool: “Nuh-uh, she doesn’t like me!” Brother, in 15 years you’ll be on holo-facebook all day wishing she did.

15.) If a vegetarian only eats vegetables, a date with a Unitarian must be pretty hot stuff.

16.) Has some techdouche called an app an “apperating system” yet? Was he thrown off a building for it?

17.) It’s true what they say, the bigger they are, the more devilishly handsome they are.

18.) “Job Creators”. Hmph. These guys just hide their money in Switzerland. Give me stupid money, you WATCH how much weird I’d spend.

19.) Important to note: you don’t hate the internet, you hate the depths of human ignorance the internet is able to show you.

20.) You know what they should call a documentary about cosplay? “The World According To LARP”.

21.) Every time I read the word “Blah” on the internet, I imagine it not in a disaffected way but in like a Dracula way. “BLAH!”

22.) Everyone I know seems/to be quitting steady jobs to chase their dreams/it makes me wanna scream/I CUT OUT THE MIDDLE MAN, BABY!

23.) Cut your potatoes into little x-es and cook them up into crucifries. Share them with your local God-money-collector-speech-person!

24.) A good way to spend millions of dollars would be to bankroll supernatural hoaxes to get Dan Akroyd’s hopes up then dash them.

25.) Twitterbots pretending to be half-naked women really like favouriting my twitter responses about how the Mets can’t hit. Huh.